The Fog of Life
“X marks the spot” is the cheat code to lift the fog of war in the old PC game, Age of Empires III, that I used to play as a teenager. As soon as you type it in and hit the enter key, the obscurity that covers the rest of the map that you have not yet explored instantaneously evaporates. How I wish that there was a phrase that could lift the similar clouds of uncertainty that extend into the future of our lives. At times, it can be difficult to know which way to go. Especially, if we have gone down what we thought was the right path before, only to be disappointed at some point along the way, we may doubt if we can even trust our own sense of good and bad. However, when we find ourselves in the yet unexplored areas of our lives, it is actually in these places that we are given the chance to discover and create meaning.
Some of these reflections on finding our purpose in perplexity come from Fr. Mike Schmitz’s homily from 1/21/24. He also has a great 3-part series of homilies from 10/8/23, 10/15/23, and 10/22/23 related to discernment. I would highly recommend listening to these, and many other of his homilies. In the most recent sermon, he starts by emphasizing the framework that: God has a claim on our lives and a call for our lives (i.e. our lives are not our own because we have been redeemed at a great price), God knows us and loves us better than we know and love ourselves, God gives us freedom, and there is no perfect plan. In these statements, he highlights that there is a purpose to our lives and that God can give each one of us the best sense of our specific telos. Nonetheless, as God gives us the freedom to respond to His call how we choose, there is no perfect plan. Still, this does not mean that we are lost if we take a detour. God, in His omnipotence, knows all of the zigs and zags of our journeys; yet, He continually invites us to come back to Himself and offers us a second chance (which will nonetheless look different from the initial plan, e.g. how the plan for humanity looked different after the fall of Adam and Eve).
In the process of discerning if a road in life is worth taking, Fr. Schmitz outlines a number of good questions. Using the imagery of doors for options, he proposes that we ought to ask ourselves: Is it a good door? Is it an open door? Is it a wise door? Is it a door I want to walk through? If the option is objectively good, a viable possibility, a wise decision, and something that we desire, we can be reasonably confident in walking through that door. Additionally, he reminds us that once we gather data on our options, we must take a step; for, the best cure for anxiety is action. Once we have done our due diligence, we ought not wait, but proceed in that direction and give it a try. Thankfully, there is always the option to retrace our steps or start afresh, if we find ourselves lost again further down a certain path.
Nonetheless, these great pieces of advice do not negate the reality of the disappointment or disillusionment that we may face when we are confronted with another chance to redirect our course. When we come to a point where we have to start over again, it can be frustrating and frightening. If we had hoped or believed that we were on the right track previously, we can become angry that it did not work out and anxious that our next go round will end up just the same. Additionally, if others have harmed us in the past, it can be difficult to believe that we can find others to trust in the future. We can even extend this view toward God, if we see Him as having caused or permitted our pains (as discussed in “At War with God”). However, it is only by going through the process of healing our wounds that we can discover how these trials can actually become triumphs.
Further, our journey can be complicated by the fact that not everyone around us will be diligently looking for meaning or intentionally striving for purpose in their lives. Unfortunately, many in the world have lost hope in a source of greater significance, and not just related to God. There has been a decrease in the the perceived value of family life, community involvement, constructive hobbies, and acts of charity. When we are trying to find an explanation for the difficulties of our own lives, it can be tempting to give up on the fight when it seems like so many others around us have. However, that should just be a reminder to surround ourselves more with those who are fighting the same fight. When we feel a part of a group with a similar goal, it becomes much easier to remember why we believe what we believe. From there, we can eventually invite others into the throng along our pilgrimage.
However, this process of restoration can take time. Yet, in our culture, we want immediate solutions. We want to feel better now. Still, the anxiety and depression can drag on for days, weeks, months, or years. Though our feelings may be justified, we ought not fall into the temptation to let ourselves become overwhelmed or defined by them. Through the support of others and the help of professionals, we can give a voice to our wounds and discover who we are in the midst of them.
Additionally, I think it can be reassuring that this disorienting perspective of life is even common among the saints; yet, they achieved greatness nonetheless. We can think of the fearful apostles before the calming of the storm (“Why are you terrified, O you of little faith?” — Matthew 8:26), St. Peter doubting Jesus when He beckoned him out onto the water (“O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” — Matthew 14:31), or Jesus’s reply to St. Thomas’s profession of faith (“Have you come to believe because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.” — John 20:29). More recently, St. Mother Teresa, a model of faith, hope, and charity is quoted saying, “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust.” One can also think of St. John of the Cross’s “The Dark Night of the Soul.” In these, and countless other examples, we can find reassurance that, a lot of the time, even the saints did not have constant consolation in their calling. Many of them failed. However, as the saying goes — a saint is a sinner who keeps trying.
Essentially, none of this can be accomplished apart from God, who continually cares for us along our journeys. As we are reminded,
“Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s knowledge. Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29–31)
and
“But seek first the kingdom [of God] and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” (Matthew 6:33–34)
When we depend upon God, we come to realize that we do not have to figure out our lives all on our own (as highlighted in “From Darkness to Light: The Allegory of the Cave and Getting Out of Your Head”). We can rely on the grace of God and the support of others to carry us through the difficult times. Then, with time, we can come to see how our journeys unfold step by step through these transformative phases of life (as discussed in “Only Time Will Tell: Time as the Best Medicine” and “Crossing the Liminal Space”).
Ultimately, life is a continual series of next best steps. It can be tempting, especially in our modern, success-driven culture, to feel as if we need to have our whole lives planned out from the start. However, as we go along further in life, we begin to see that there is no perfect plan. We have the freedom to choose between so many different options. However, when we elect to go one way, invariably, we decide against numerous other options. Like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, our selections affect our next available options. Often, we cannot go back and pretend as is if a period of life did not happen. Nonetheless, we can find peace in the reality that by seeking forgiveness, if needed, and moving forward, we can learn from our past and redirect our course toward our final destination.
Thankfully, though our courses may vary in life, our goal stays constant. The journey to heaven is not an identical path for everyone. The grandeur of it is actually in the diversity of ways that there are to make it there. Though “narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life,” those from all backgrounds are welcomed to enter (Mathew 7:14). One only has to barely scratch the surface of the countless stories of saints to see the multiplicity of journeys through which people go to enter eternal life. Their witnesses and the reality of God’s forgiveness and mercy ought to reassure us that no matter where we find ourselves, if we are intent on following God and being dependent upon His grace, we can have a very reasonable chance of completing our mission.
Additionally, it may be that these times of difficulty or redirection are actually integral for us to become who we are meant to be. For, without a struggle, there can be no victory. Or, as the saying goes — no pain, no gain. The sufferings that we are given can actually be opportunities for us to grow into our true selves. As I heard it said once before, the saint is the one who lives their life story to its fullest. Through our crosses, we can come to increase in childlikeness, find deeper conversion, discover a sense of meaning, and make reparation for our sins and those of the whole world. These perspectives of our times of trial can give us hope that, though they may waver at times, our paths are be directed toward a greater good.
Hope is a fundamental tool along this journey. It is a “looking forward to or desiring with reasonable confidence.” However, our hope can become dashed when we have lived experiences that shows us that life is not always easy. Nonetheless, inherent in hope is a relation to faith — the realization that we are fallible and dependent — and trust — the reliance on others for help (as noted in “Omnia Cooperantur in Bonum: On Faith, Hope, and Trust”). Too, hope is characterized by acknowledgment of our difficulties, assurance of goodness, and wonder at what we do not see (as mentioned in “Hope Sinks”).
Gratitude is also essential in lifting the fog. This practice helps us to recognize the fact that, although maybe not recently or presently evident to us, there are moments of proof that things do go well in our lives. Or, we can look back on previous bad experiences and see how they may have actually kept us off of a worse course or led us to a better place than if we had not endured them. As such, when we are able to cultivate attitudes of gratitude, we can more easily overcome our negativity biases (as detailed in “Overcoming Your Negativity Bias”).
Charity can help to further reveal the shared map of humanity. The the giving of oneself for the good of another, inherently asks one to empty themselves, of their desires, expectations, time, talent, treasure, etc. However, compared to selfishness, this emptiness can be filled with connection. For, by joining another in their suffering, we not only can see how there are others struggling in the world, and often more than we are, but we also can be reciprocally reminded that our own trials become temporary when we allow others to enter into them with us (as outlined in “One Man’s Lack is Another Man’s Pleasure: A Declaration of Dependence”).
Creativity is the way by which we are able to chart our way forward. For, it allows us to uniquely contribute something to the world. Whether it be delving further into a constructive hobby or expressing ourselves through a beautiful art form, especially when it comes from our deepest points of pain, we can see how we have the autonomy to convert our difficulties into something greater (as described in “You Are Who You Are: Fostering Authenticity and Wholeheartedness”). These creations can also inspire others to do the same.
The fog of life can be disorientating at times; yet, we ought to remember that: God has a claim on and a call for our lives, He knows us and loves us best, He gives us the freedom to co-create our path, and there is no perfect plan . Nonetheless, it can still be exhausting and nerve-racking when we come up to another dead end or a fork in the road. However, the awareness that this struggle is common, that it takes time to go through, and that it cannot be accomplished without the grace of God and the support of others can be reassuring. Additionally, with tools such as hope, gratitude, charity, and creativity, we can come to find purpose in our pain. As such, we can begin to discover and create meaning in the yet unexplored areas of our lives.
