There once were five sisters in a family;
Pride of their parents for there were none as comely.

The fifth never wanted to marry,
So forthwith she went and joined a nunnery.

The fourth was fond of pets,
So forth she went and became a vet.

The third (who always spotted a pony tail)
Was lured into nursing by tales of Florence Nightingale.

The second become a politician (’cause she could lie
Without flinching or batting an eye.)

Then there was lovely Roxanne,
Who opted to ply the oldest trade known to man.
_________

Missed you my Medium Fam🥰

Met you in a shopping mall,
Saw you via a mirror on the wall,
Swapped digits, spent whole night on call.

Next day, you took me to a ball,
There on one knee you did fall,
Before beings big and small.

You then stooped your frame so tall,
As we kissed in the wedding hall,
After vowing to lover each other, warts and all.

© JAH : All Rights Reserved

Last one this week.

I will miss you all.

I planned to take a two-week hiatus from writing on Medium to prepare for my end-of-year exams but then this happened:

DISCLAIMER

This article may easily be misconstrued to support or worse encourage acts of mob justice, this is far from the truth. This is my honest take on a recent act of mob justice which happened on the morning of June 20, 2023 in Chikanda [a village in the outskirts of Zomba Township, Malawi].

WHAT HAPPENED?

Kindly refer to the screenshot of the news below:

BUT WHY?

Before I rant about the why, a brief background of where this happened.

Chikanda is a village situated to the west of the University of Malawi formerly known as Chancellor College or CHANCO in short. Since the university does not have enough hostels to accommodate all students, most students — more than 60% seek accommodation in this village since it is the one closest to the university.

The demand for lodging places has grown since the university is now a stand-alone university following the de-linking of public universities in the country.

Cases of thefts are as common as the rising of the sun. And they become more intense and daring towards the end of the semester like now.

OTHER CASES

Three weeks ago, thieves broke into a hostel in which a friend of mine resides and got away with his laptop and smartphone, which FYI is the prime stuff these thieves are after.

Two days after that day, another friend of mine washed his clothes and left them on the drying line, and guess what, thieves stole all the clothes including his underwear. To make it worse, the friend happens to be the type who waits till most of his clothes get dirty to launder them. This means he was left with only the clothes he had on plus a couple of leather shoes.

Wait, that’s not all: thieves broke into a house in which a friend of mine resides while he was at a group discussion and they got away with his laptop, blankets, clothes, and all his food! And all this happened a week prior to the commencement of the end-of-year exams!

This is not even close to the tip of the iceberg of what these bastards do. This other friend of mine got stopped by these hooligans as he was coming from the library where has pulled an all-nighter. It was around 3 in the AM. luckily for him, he had left his smartphone and laptop at a friend’s for fear of thieves.

As he was walking past this other bridge, he was stopped by a gang of thieves. They asked where his laptop and smartphone were and when he told them he didn’t have any, they hassled him, one even produced a cigarette lighter and tried to burn the friend’s goatee!

And this other lady friend of mine, thieves broke into her room and when they found that she didn’t have a laptop, they plugged electric wires onto a socket and forced her to touch the live wires! Imagine that!

STILL, IT’S BAD BUT

So yes, I, like most students who know how heartless these bastards are, felt no pang of guilty on his being lynched. True, one is not supposed to take matters into one’s own hands and leave such matters to the police, these cases are going out of hand. And as far as I’m concerned, the guy reaped what he sowed.

MOB JUSTICE IS BAD BUT … was originally published in Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Blogs on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Though I sometimes act like I care less,
Making you feel a little worthless,
Like a pawn in a game of chess.
Don’t you go doubting and worrying,
I’m nobody else’s but yours, darling.

Though I often shy away,
From saying words I should often say,
Words you deserve to hear everyday,
Don’t you go spending sleepless nights,
I’m yours darling, stop nursing those doubts.

I may, at a passing hottie’s behind, gawk;
Or with the guys about my wild fantasies joke,
Don’t you take it to mean I walk my talk.
Nor think you’re not woman enough,
I’m all yours, all that is but bluff.

From meeting your parents I may, about the bush, beat,
From taking you to the alter I may get cold feet,
That hardly means I, behind your back, cheat.
Darling, my love for you is ocean deep,
I’m just looking before I take the long leap.

If I say I will avert my eye,
When a hottie passes by,
That will be a blatant lie.
My mouth will talk, my eyes will rove;
But my heart will forever be yours, my love.

© JAH. All Rights Reserved

Been busy preparing for end of year exams. Started the exams yesterday. Will be posting more poems next week Friday.

I will miss you all.

C. Elyse invited me to respond to Play The Name Game (aka Anatomy of an Acronym) and so here it goes:

1. THE ACRONYM

Just

Ambitious

Humorous

2. WHAT MY ACRONYM SAYS I AM [or rather what i want my acronym to say I am]

i) Just:

I like to think of myself as a just guy. I try my best to maintain a level of integrity in most things I do and I like it when people get what they sweat for.

That just can also be understood to mean “exactly” and it’s this definition which best describes me: I’m just me (excuse the alliteration) just JAH. I recently found out it’s hard to describe me. Here is what happened, a friend asked me to describe what Ithink she is, apparently she overheard some guy describing her to another guy and she wanted to know what other people thought of her. I happened to fall in the “other people” category and after sending her a lengthy and down-to-earth description of what I thought of her, I asked her to describe me and I was surprised by the one line she sent me which read something like, “friendly and just you”.

ii) Ambitious

On Medium, I mainly write poetry but I also write short stories, and i have a couple of yet to be finished novels and plays. I

I’m also keen on computer related stuff. I’m a self-taught python programmer and in my spare time, I learn about cyber security. I also do a bit of professional photo editing and graphic designing.

iii) Humorous

In my thoughts, I’m a very humorous human being and i’ve been known to incite belly laughs to people who are fated to call me their friend. Surprisingly, it seldom shows in my writing. I guess i should do something about that.

I have also been known to laugh out loud at inappropriate occasions [once at a funeral, countless times during exams] after remembering some hilarious joke or meme.

3. FAVOURITE GENRES AND MY STANCE ON WRITING

Poetry is my specialty, seconded by prose [novel]. I enjoy writing and reading about romance, mystery and detective stories. I don’t remember how many times I have read Ben Elton’s Inconceivable and Michael Reizin’s Dumping Hillary? If you are looking for something funny to read i highly recommend these novels:

4. WHEN DID I START MEDIUM YOU ASK?

I joined Medium in April this very year. My first post was an acrostic poem titled Africa, read it here👇

AFRICA

5. WHERE I WRITE FROM IN THE REAL WORLD [Now, this is nosy🤣]

I’m too lazy to get my butt of my bed to write on my studying table so I’m writing this whilst on my bed but I usually write on my studying table. Wait, did you mean that? Oh in the real world, my bad, I’m writing from Malawi, Africa on my battered late 2012 Macbook Pro.

6. HOW DO I WRITE? SHOW CASE MY PROGRESS?

Well, I rarely write on paper. I’m a student so I usually write on Medium late in the night or early in the morning. Currently I currently compiled a book of 100 poems and sent it to trusted poetryphiles for beta reading. I intend to call it, TILL MY HAIR TURN GREY and if all goes well, it will be published in July this very year.

7. WHY I CHOSE TO WRITE ON MEDIUM

I researched on platforms where one can showcase their writing talents and medium popped up in most articles and videos like a zillion times. I also used to write on Vocal but decided it wasn’t for me and deleted my account.

8. LET THE GAME CONTINUE

I was invited to participate in this by C. Elyse and I would like to invite the following people to participate in this game:

Jason Provencio aka The Professor of Medium who allowed me to be part of the publication BOUNCIN’ AND BEHAVIN’ BLOGS, KateElizabeth, Spyder Darling, Richard Childs, Connie Song, Kenny Minker, Steffi Timm, Daniela Dragas, Habbibrehman

Let the game continue!

I have tried but in vain
To fight back the tears.
What I feel is beyond pain,
Gone, gone are all my dears:
Parents, siblings, acquaintances and peers.
For Freddy, Cyclone Freddy devoured them all.
Freddy, hungry Freddy swallowed my village whole.

The moneyed we envied,
The poor we pitied;
The pretties we fancied,
The plain we, to like, pretended;
All have been by Freddy apprehended.
Even those who wouldn’t hurt a fly,
All are gone without saying goodbye.

I could’ve beamed brighter,
Till my smile brightened your face.
I could’ve hugged you tighter,
Leaving, between us, no space,
Had I known that that was our final embrace.
I could’ve tallied a day or two,
I could’ve stayed to die with you.

Arms akimbo,
I wonder, after school closes for the holiday,
Where will I go?
Supposing I live till that day,
For Freddy swept my village away.
Come, come and take me Cyclone Freddy
For by taking them you’ve killed me already.

I wrote this poem a couple of months ago when a cyclone called Freddy hit the country I belong to, Malawi.

HERE ARE MY OTHER POEMS:

• I’M OLD I MUST MARRY
• AFTERMATH
• BAD BYE
• GOLD-DIGGERS
• THERE MUST

My love, count on me:
In as long as I live,
Your Adam I’ll fain and forever be,
Provided you promise to be my Eve.
Count on me my love,
To be yours and yours only,
Me, myself and I plus all I have.
Ever-present company when you feel lonely.
Count on me to be your hero,
Here is my hand, let us fly.
Though we start from zero,
Our destination is beyond the sky.
I’ll be with you the whole way,
Come what come may.

FOLLOW ME FOR MORE POEMS.

YOU WILL SURELY LIKE THESE POEMS👇👇

• HURT NOT MY HEART
• HOW?
• THOSE NIGHTS
• WHO AM I?
• I WISH I WAS A CAT

Dear Medium,

I heard about you on YouTube and being a budding writer who needed an audience, I decided to give you a shot and here I am.

I have been here since March of this very year and here are:

THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU:

1. User-Friendly Interface: The thing I like most about you is the user interface. Let’s be honest, even when dealing with people first impressions matter. Your simple yet clean and intuitive interface takes my breath away [I’m a poet, excuse my sick figures of speech]. One need not be a geek to find their way around you.
2. Simple Publishing Process: The fact that I can just click on Write New Story, write or paste my work then hit publish, and voila my work is published is really a winner. Especially, when compared to you-know-who which demands that I reach a certain word count as if a poem can’t be a poem if it doesn’t reach 100, [I mean, haven’t these guys heard of a monostich?]. I love that about you, don’t you dare change that!

3. Engagement Features: The engagement features you offer especially those darn claps, though they’re often abused, are a good gesture. They facilitate discussions, feedback, and interaction between writers and their audience, creating a sense of community which is what a writer needs.

Having pampered you with praise, be prepared to swallow the bitter pill for these are

THINGS I THINK YOU NEED TO WORK ON:

1. Joining and Creation of Publications: I understand you have to hide the content of paid members behind a paywall but what I don’t agree with is the fact that one cannot create a publication because they’re not yet a paying member. Why is it that every time I click on the Create Publication I’m met with this:

2. Earnings From Reads from External Sources: I understand why you consider reads from paying Medium members only when it comes to earnings for authors. But how do you explain this?

I mean just look at that graph!

Now look at the source of the traffic:

My point is, can’t you figure out a way to make authors gain something from external reads? After all, these external reads are bringing you potential customers most of which won’t sign up for Medium membership using the author’s referral link. Seriously, give this a thought.

I have many a bone to pick with you but for now, let’s pick these ones.

Yours,

JAH

Dear Medium was originally published in Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Blogs on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Fast it flies,
Aiming straight for the heart.
It tears the chest apart,
Fibre after fibre till it finds the heart.
Here it slices the arteries and veins,
Ripping them out one by one.
Then it cuts the chambers clean.
Finally it stops,
Clogged in the very heart of the heart.
Having severed all tendrils of trust.

I’m learning to accept the fact that a poem can be a poem without having intended rhymes. It’s hard for me because most poems I pen contain rhymes.

HERE ARE MY OTHER POEMS:

• THOSE NIGHTS
• UPCOMING ADDICTS
• DEARLY, DEEPLY
• DEAR DAUGHTER

Somehow, a post retweeted by a twitter user who goes by the handle @danielmarven claiming that the CEO of Twitter, Elon Musk, has married a robot called Catnella found itself in my twitter newsfeed.

To those who do not live on planet earth, Elon Musk is a billionaire entrepreneur and business magnate known for co-founding Tesla Motors (now Tesla, Inc.), SpaceX, Neuralink, and The Boring Company.

Yours truly not being one to miss such “juicy” news followed the thread and it read:

“Elon Musk announces the future wife who is she? It is the first robot that has been manufactured specifically designed with artificial intelligence with the personality and the characteristics of the female that he dreams of…which is not found in any normal person, because of course, there is no normal person that has all the required specifications. Catnilla works with solar energy without charging, it is equipped with sensory means that make her feel sad and happy, and she has a balanced and interactive mindset …so she can share it if she is in a crisis or the feelings that she is experiencing or needs when she is exposed to any psychological stress.

— — — — — — — — The post is to clarify the dangers of AI (artificial intelligence) in the coming period, especially after Tesla Company released the first integrated robot “Optimus” “Guys this guy is not a human this is out of the world

I zoomed in on the pictures and an alarm bell immediately went off in my mind that the images were somehow unreal, and possibly AI generated.

But being the type who takes everything I read on social media with a grain of salt, I put my opinions to myself and headed into the comments section to see the take of my fellow mortals.

The comments, as you can imagine, were a mixbag but what amused me was the fact that a considerable number of people seemed to be believing this even though some people pointed out that the images could be AI generated.

One even went as far as commenting that, I quote:

“So he goes around making babies but at the end he want to settle with a robot, typical man”

This, obviously, is messed up.

THE TRUTH

The news that Elon Musk has married is not only false but also laughable, at least to me.

But then, it got me thinking, could this really be pulled off? I mean, with all these advancements in AI and everything?🤔

I guess only time will tell, and oh, take everything you read or see on social media and the internet with a grain of salt.