Gender Journeys, Gay Cultures, Queers & Allies Fight Back for Pride!
Prism & Pen Weekly Digest — June 30, 2024
James Finn is recovering from an illness in the hospital at the moment, so please everyone send him positive thoughts and wish him a speedy recovery.
In his absence, I’m doing the digest this week — so please bear with me if there are any mistakes!
As Pride month draws to a close, Prism & Pen brings you the good and the bad of Grindr, Queers and allies responding to hate, gay cultures past and present, a tragic anti-trans scandal from ‘TERF Island’ (that’s the UK, for those fortunate enough not to know), gender journeys with some pointers along the way, and so much more!
Plus some Pride poetry, and for fiction fans we’ve got the latest helping of Queer sci-fi adventures from The Medellan Conspiracy, and another mystery to solve for The Gay Detective.
Prism & Pen brings you authentic queer voices every morning…. Come read with us!👇
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* Discover P&P Diversity in Three Stories *
How Does Grindr’s Public Status Affect the Future of Digital Intimacy?
Grindr is now making money from our sexual interactions. The private moments we share on the app are generating profit for investors we don’t even know. While Grindr has helped many queer people connect, it now relies on outside money, making our time on the app feel like work. Our time, money, and positive experiences on the app all add to someone else’s wealth. This shift isn’t just about keeping Grindr operational; it’s about making our personal interactions into financial assets.
LGBTQ+ Americans Should Take Back Old Glory from Right-Wing Haters
I’ve long thought that “libs” (like Yours Truly) should seriously consider initiating a coordinated campaign to snatch Old Glory back from the extreme Right… to make the flag stand for all Americans again, rather than just a fringe plurality.
A significant part of this reclamation project could be to encourage LGBTQ+ folks and allies to fly Old Glory alongside the Rainbow banner.
Just imagine it! Doing so on a grand scale would effectively poke bigoted right-wingers in the eye by re-associating the red, white, and blue with the kinds of freedoms and personal liberty the Stars and Stripes were originally stitched to represent.
The Joy of Trans Creation
There’s a reason many cisgender people are attracted to these narratives about transmasculinity, and unfortunately, it has nothing to do with truly supporting the trans men who are lesbians, or who are sporty or straight. It has more to do with their feelings about which “women” are best to “allow” to transition, and so much of those feelings are based on their expectations of female attractiveness or desirability within heterosexual society, and never truly afford love or respect to those men.
And men like me?
We’re unthinkable, and thus, invisible.
* This Week’s Essays & Creative Non Fiction *
Lights, Camera, Discrimination: The Price of Authenticity in Hollywood
Notably, no openly gay male actor has ever won an Oscar for acting.
There’s a double standard when it comes to leading men and their sexual orientation that just isn’t quite the same for leading women, who may even gain allure with straight male viewers if they’re bisexual (though this doesn’t diminish the real risk of backlash from conservative audiences).
Why is this? How many actors remain closeted now because of this?
These 3 Disney Songs Give Me Gender Feels
Much could be — and has been — said about how Disney tends to refuse to do actual out-and-proud queer representation.
In fact, I think the only queer representation that has been confirmed through on-screen dialogue is in Strange World, a movie Disney refused to market, meaning it flopped, so there is now more “evidence” that “queer representation doesn’t sell”.
Despite this, I am still a big fan of Disney (and Pixar) animated movies, and this is partly because they help me to feel my feelings.
4 Brilliant Gay Novels by 3 Authors Who Left Us Too Soon 🌈
All of the novels I’m writing about here are by authors we lost to HIV/AIDS. If you’re a reader of LGBTQ+ literature, you may be saying to yourself, “Why did he leave out so-and-so?” The answer is, too many writers were lost. One could write a book about them. I’ll add more in future lists.
Today what’s on my mind are four books by these three authors:
Oscar Moore (1960–1996)
David B. Feinberg (1956–1994)
James Robert Baker (1946–1997)
NHS and Cass Review Accused of Covering Up Trans Youth Suicides
New evidence has come to light of the tragic impact of restrictions on gender-affirming care for under-16-year-olds put in place by England’s National Health Service (NHS) following the now infamous Bell v. Tavistockcase in 2020.
In that case, judges decided that under-16s were unable to consent to taking puberty blockers. This resulted in NHS England immediately ceasing new referrals and prescriptions for puberty blockers for under 16s, except via a court order.
The High Court later overturned the case, but NHS England maintained the restrictions.
Now two NHS whistleblowers working with the legal non-profit Good Law Project claim those restrictions are linked to an increase in suicides of trans youth that NHS England tried to cover up.
My Transgender Waypoints: These Ideas Helped Me, So I’m Sharing
Sometimes society recognizes the need to ease the inevitable journey and creates things like gender-affirming care, which are equivalent to well-marked and supervised roads with plenty of warning signs and emergency exits. Without these roadways, we will still crash through the brush and the wild, struggling to become ourselves. But more of us will wander into despair, dead ends, or become victims of predators. A safe road benefits everyone, as it not only helps those that need it, but it also helps those that explore it only to turn around before they make life-altering choices they might regret.
My Gender Journey Keeps On Keeping On
It took me until I was forty-five to gather enough courage to come out as transgender. To let go of the “safe” place where I was just a woman who had a raging hatred of herself. Forty-five years to venture into the scary depths of not knowing what would happen if I were to transition. I knew my whole life, that I was not a girl. But feeling that I had any options to address that matter was another story. For most of my life, I was trying to make the woman thing work because I didn’t think I had any options. I absolutely could NOT transition. It would mean I’d never see my family again. And I had not a single figure on my radar that was what I was. I was completely alone.
Traveling Around the World with a Gay Romantic-Comedy
For the past year, I’ve been living out of a suitcase — pants folded in a pile, t-shirts folded beside them, dirty clothes stuffed in the front pouch, and suit jackets and button-downs crammed in the top, destined to be wrinkled.
I’ve been traveling the world, taking my queer romantic TV pilot “For Years to Come” to a dozen exciting film festivals, connecting with the audiences, speaking in talkbacks, and finding exciting new colleagues and friends.
Making the project felt like coming home — but promoting the project has flung me to every corner of the country, and every corner of myself.
What I Learned From Gay Culture: No One Will Love Me If …
Can you think of something you learned as a child and later realized it was a lie? The Easter Bunny and Santa Claus come to mind. With them, it’s easy to believe they don’t exist. We may even wonder why we ever held to such outlandish stories.
Other lies go deeper. Lies like, “Being gay is wrong,” or “You’ll never be good enough.” We eventually learn that cognitive distortions like these were instilled in us by biased and judgmental religious fanatics, yet the lies continue to control our lives.
They’re not so easy to dismiss as a giant rabbit who hides eggs and candy. Though they may be just as outlandish, they dig their roots deep and take hold of our psyche.
My Gender Isn’t My Genitals, and Your Ignorance Is Unacceptable
As a transgender person, I recognize that people seem to be either inclusive or exclusive. Some people may welcome me, but many others are aggressively looking to exclude me. I take it personally, but those same people seem to be very selective about who they are willing to include, so I am not sure I would enjoy their company.
Those same exclusionists also seem to use the difference between the tangible world of my biological sex versus the intangibility of my internal sense of gender. To them, I simply do not exist; and by their rules, I have no way to prove otherwise.
Like proving God to an atheist and love to a cynic, I am defenseless against aggressive ignorance, and that kind of ignorance is dangerous.
Embracing Dialogue in Our Diverse Communities
Hello, friends, foes, and those in between! Today, I’m spicing up our chat with a topic that’s been scratching at my bearish brain: the essential need for heartfelt dialogue within our vibrant community.
It feels like we’ve been roaring past each other lately, and it’s ruffled my fur. Remember, folks, dialogue is a dance, not a solo performance. It’s about listening just as much as it is about voicing your thoughts. Yet, here we are, stuck in our corners, each side batting for their views as the only truth. It’s like we’ve forgotten the art of a good ol’ bear rumble — where we wrestle, not to win, but to understand and grow stronger together.
I’m a Real Estate Agent and 2023 Was My Gayest Year
The condo was showroom spotless. I approved their application and strongly suggested them to the landlord, John. It doesn’t get much better than this.
A few months later, John called me, where did you find these angels? He lived on the first floor. Tom and Vincent lived on the top floor. They’ve cleaned up the halls, they remember to put the recycling out when I forget, they’re the best tenants I’ve ever had!
I need you to find another Tom and Vincent for the middle floor. He said.
You mean with good jobs and super tidy? I asked.
No, I want another gay couple.
PRIDE 🏳️🌈: Gay Bathhouses from My Personal Memories of the 1970s
In addition to the bars, which were becoming popular gathering places, gay bathhouses opened in the 1970s and became an important social gathering place for the community. They were primarily easy, protected places to meet up with other gay men for the newly available abundance of gay sex but also provided for other social experiences.
The bathhouses I visited were mostly in Chicago, New York City, and San Francisco. Now and then on my vacation travels, I sought out ones in other cities. They were safe, clean, and fun! Depending on the city and state where they were located, “gay freedom” in such places were more or less available.
Responding to Some Typical But Misguided Anti-Trans Comments
Certainly, I would be foolish to presume that everyone who reads an article published by a LGBTQ+ themed Medium publication will automatically fall in line with my old-school liberal politics.
And, to be clear, I fully respect contrary opinions and welcome dialogue, as long as the exchange remains civil and constructive.
However, when such contrary comments and opinions are based on misinformation — or worse, willful ignorance — I feel obliged to respond with reason and facts.
From Grindr to Growth: An LGBTQ Journey in Meditation
The glow from my screen lit up my face in the mirror, casting a harsh light that caught my eyes.
In a fleeting moment, my eyes betrayed me — tired, agitated, and achingly lonely, they stared back, reflecting a soul weary from the endless digital parade of potential encounters.
My face looked so broken, so desperate for connection, so infinitely lonely.
I knew where this road led: a fleeting encounter at the end of the night with a man whose name I’d never know. Sex replacing connection, the digital world the sole proprietor of our sexual and emotional currency. That evening, I was its chiefest buyer, lost in the glow of false promises and ephemeral affections.
Are Queer and Trans People Selfish? Maybe a Little.
Self-absorbed. Selfish. Narcissistic.
If you’re trans and/or queer, you’ve likely been accused of at least one of these things or have heard complaints in the same vein because you dare to step outside and be yourself. Here’s a classic: “I just can’t stand people who make it their personality.”
Most often, comments like these are thrown out against those who choose to be loud and proud, whether during Pride or otherwise. Sometimes, it doesn’t take much to receive one. In the wrong place, mentioning you’re queer or trans can earn you such accusations.
A Straight Man Remembers the Last Man He Loved: Michael P.
For too short a time in my distant youth (I am 84), I had three male friends, each of whom I know I loved and they loved me. My readers are familiar with the first two: Frank C., who “opened up the gates of light” by introducing me to the beauty of art, music, and dance — while I was still in high school. Carl W., who took me under his wing after my time in the U.S. Army, “civilized me,” and helped me — a budding writer — understand the complex nature of love.
The third, was Michael P., a classmate during my undergraduate years at the University of Puerto Rico. Mike didn’t go to class very often. Most of the time he appeared on campus to (easily) entice me to cut class and hike in the rainforest, or explore a cave, birdwatch on the salt flats, or drink rum. He was more fun than my classes.
My So-Called Dissociated Transgender Life
What is real life, and which one is the fantasy? Me or the body? I’m so confused by myself. Do I really exist? The physical world has mostly told me no, I don’t. I’m as real as anything else in the physical world. After all, the brain is a physical organ even if you can’t easily see what’s inside it.
But I need the body to convey me, even to myself, and that can pose a major problem. I’m like a radio broadcast. Unless you’re dialed in you won’t receive me, just static. But I’m broadcasting 24/7 and have been for 40 years. It’s just that no one could hear clearly enough to comprehend what they were listening to. Pretty strange analogy for the self, right? Welcome to my life.
Pride: My Response To “What About Straight Month?” and Other Comments
As Pride Month comes to a close, I feel tremendous joy and gratitude about the contributions of the LGBTQ+ community to my personal world and beyond. During this time when too many are comfortable with their open hostility toward the LGBTQ+ community, I’m thinking about what it means to be an ally. I’m remembering questions and comments I’ve fielded over the years, and how I’d respond today.
My Gay Friend Was So Much More Than Unresolved Trauma Leading to Addiction
Drug addiction did not define him. He was defined by being a teacher of severely disabled children. A caretaker for his mother. A father figure and godfather to my son. A man loved — no hyperbole — by all who knew him. He was my funniest and most supportive friend for thirty-three years. This is his story.
Benedict Bridgerton’s Bold, Bisexual New Direction
Benedict Bridgerton, the enigmatic artist of the Bridgerton family, has long intrigued fans with his charisma and potential for exploration of his sexuality. From the very beginning, Benedict has exuded an aura of open-mindedness, sparking speculation among fans about his orientation. Season 2 tantalizingly hinted at Benedict’s fluidity, particularly through his interactions at the artist’s studio — a haven where individuality reigns supreme.
* This Week’s P&P Poetry *
The Spectrum of Love: A Poem for Pride
Away from the people and miles from the crowd,
Far from the voices that are shouting so loud.Come sit for a minute, share this moment with me,
Hatred is blind, but with patience, we’ll see.Embrace the unknown and what you knew to be true,
Let the walls fall away; we can build something new…
* Fiction Shorts *
The Gay Detective: Death and the Merry Widows
Some crime scenes get to you more than others. And standing in the rain at three a.m. in a dingy, dumpster-filled alley in Midtown wasn’t helping.
Grungy cement walls smothered in tired graffiti — gang tags and faded ad slogans. Blind-eyed, blacked out windows. The ’80s tunes blasting from the hole-in-the-wall club across the alley would’ve drowned out any screams.
I turned my collar against the icy downpour and sighed. Gazed at the tent Harry’s team had erected over the young woman’s body. Reminded myself the scene wouldn’t improve with waiting. I took a deep breath and stepped back into the dubious shelter of the incident tent.
My work partner of twenty years cocked a bushy brow. “Boss?”
Back to work. I nodded. “What do we know?”
* Fiction Series *
The Medellan Conspiracy
Now that the recent harrowing events are behind them, Andreesen discusses some plans for the future. Meanwhile, Ailis is targeted by the Society of Sevens.
“Jevan, don’t take this the wrong way, but I have decided that you would not be the best representative for the people of Ateria,” Andreesen explained. “You know the needs of the Medellans of Vestos, but even with everything you’ve learned and experienced over the past year, you are not Aterian. Therefore, I’ve asked Camran to represent the Aterian people on Aria’naa.”
The sense of relief that Ardyn felt from Jevan made him smile. Ardyn knew Jevan had been worried about that exact thing, although he rarely spoke of it.
Read Episode 77: Plans
Read Episode 78: Disruption
That’s all for Prism & Pen this week, folks, so happy reading!
— Kaylin & the P&P team
