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Bon Appétit, Now GTFO
Bon Appétit, Now GTFO
Finish your fish and scram, slow-eating rich people
T. Kent Jones
Sep 4
A Step-By-Step Guide To Diagnosing Your Own Brain Disorder
A Step-By-Step Guide To Diagnosing Your Own Brain Disorder
DIY Neurology
Kara Teevan
Sep 3
If You’ve Ever Wanted To Store All Your Money Under A Mattress, We’re The Bank For You
If You’ve Ever Wanted To Store All Your Money Under A Mattress, We’re The Bank For You
At the First National Bank of Mattresses, we store your money under a mattress so you don’t have to
Aaron Chown
Sep 2
I Came Here To F*ck And Clean All The Dishes In The Sink — And There’s Still, Like, A Ton of Dishes…
I Came Here To F*ck And Clean All The Dishes In The Sink — And There’s Still, Like, A Ton of Dishes…
I’m still down to get freaky at this party, I just didn’t think there’d be so many dishes.
r.j. kushner
Aug 31
The Laws Of TV Fantasy Worlds
The Laws Of TV Fantasy Worlds
Important rooms in castles always have an awesome bowl of fresh fruit, and there’s always a ton of grapes. The grapes look amazing.
Alex Baia
Aug 30
Who Do I Vote For If I Can’t Have A Beer With Anyone?
Who Do I Vote For If I Can’t Have A Beer With Anyone?
Navigating the political landscape without beer goggles.
Josh Brown
Aug 29
I’m Iggy Pop — Why Do I Keep Getting Rejected From These “Rock Star” Job Openings?
I’m Iggy Pop — Why Do I Keep Getting Rejected From These “Rock Star” Job Openings?
I’ve just gotta know who’s more qualified than me.
Amanda Goble
Aug 28
More Heehee's and Hoohoo's
A Neighborhood Meeting On A Proposed “Indoor” Street Racing Bar
A Neighborhood Meeting On A Proposed “Indoor” Street Racing Bar
Where we pretend to answer some of your questions.
Viktoria Shulevich
Aug 27
I, The Woman Quietly Reading In This Park, Am Begging To Be Part Of Your Content
I, The Woman Quietly Reading In This Park, Am Begging To Be Part Of...
Let me be the pawn in your viral clickbait chess match that ultimately turns out to be an ad for canned water.
Rachel Rose Keller
Aug 26
Toddler Or Narcissist, The Quiz!
Toddler Or Narcissist, The Quiz!
As you read the FBI’s statistic that “48% of people are killed by someone they know,” one person comes to mind.
Katherine Shaw
Aug 24
It’s Me, Your Live-In Partner Who Never Learned To Load A Dishwasher
It’s Me, Your Live-In Partner Who Never Learned To Load A Dishwasher
It’s not a “life skill” if I’ve done just fine without it till now.
Brian Buseck
Aug 23
Thelma And Louise Chat As They Soar To Their Fiery Deaths
Thelma And Louise Chat As They Soar To Their Fiery Deaths
Poised near the edge of the Grand Canyon, Thelma and Louise take a moment to ponder their recent adventure.
Jawal Nga
Aug 22
An Open Letter From My Nipples To Mark Zuckerberg
An Open Letter From My Nipples To Mark Zuckerberg
Pretty please, stop banning us from your social media platforms.
Amy Gabrielle
Aug 21
Please Forward This Totally Legit Chain Email
Please Forward This Totally Legit Chain Email
Subject: 🚨 URGENT: Act NOW to Save Our Future! 🚨
Caleb Coy
Aug 20
The School Year Will Be Much Easier For Everyone As Soon As You Do These 17 Unnecessarily…
The School Year Will Be Much Easier For Everyone As Soon As You Do ...
Trust us — we’re school administrators.
Brian Pinaire
Aug 19
Welcome To Golden Rings: A Retirement Home For Former Olympians With No Purpose
Welcome To Golden Rings: A Retirement Home For Former Olympians Wit...
We’ve had athletes as young as 15 and as old as 35 join our community!
Emily Kapp & Daniel Stillman
Aug 18
An Email To My Loud Coworker
An Email To My Loud Coworker
Subject: Volume Control
Brigs H
Aug 16
Where’s The “Single Gay Guys With Good Credit And Their Own Cars For Kamala” Zoom Link?
Where’s The “Single Gay Guys With Good Credit And Their Own Cars Fo...
I’d just like to know their thoughts on democracy, or something like that.
christopher walker
Aug 15
Things I Wish I Could Say When A Coworker Asks About My Weekend
Things I Wish I Could Say When A Coworker Asks About My Weekend
I got eight hours of sleep both nights, and I woke up today feeling extremely refreshed.
Tami Orendain DelaCruz
Aug 14
After Graduating Top In My Class From Harvard Law, I Found My True Purpose: Mastering The Pan Flute
After Graduating Top In My Class From Harvard Law, I Found My True ...
My parents were furious. “We gave you everything. Now you want to piss on us?”
Tobi Pledger
Aug 13
Ten Friendly Reminders To Our Yoga Teachers
Ten Friendly Reminders To Our Yoga Teachers
Don’t tell students you micro-dosed before you came to class.
LIsa Grunberger
Aug 12
A Dog Critiques Iconic Movie Scenes
A Dog Critiques Iconic Movie Scenes
Pulp Fiction: The barking man eats the frightened guy’s hamburger and throws the table. No one yells “BAD!”
Emily Menez
Aug 9
Everything Is Poison, And You’re Going To Die: An Online Wellness Summit
Everything Is Poison, And You’re Going To Die: An Online Wellness S...
Do you want the best health hacks and cutting-edge info on how your life is riddled with toxins?
Alex Baia
Aug 8
Work-Life Balance Is Important — That’s Why I Encourage My Employees To Have Mid-Day Sex
Work-Life Balance Is Important — That’s Why I Encourage My Employee...
Everyone has my permission to run errands, shop for groceries, or give their partners an afternoon schtupping.
Patrick Coyne
Aug 7
A Mother Sends Her Son To The Store For A Very Specific Kind Of Cheese
A Mother Sends Her Son To The Store For A Very Specific Kind Of Cheese
A tragedy told by text
Brian Buseck
Aug 6
New York City Dog Breeds
New York City Dog Breeds
I’m walkin’ my dog here!
James Klein
Aug 5
Gritty Action Reboots Of Your Favorite Classic Novels
Gritty Action Reboots Of Your Favorite Classic Novels
“Say hello to my Little Women.”
Sarah White
Aug 3
Out Of Office Today — My Sim Is Having A Baby
Out Of Office Today — My Sim Is Having A Baby
I will take as long as I need.
Gillian Tanda
Aug 2
Great Thinkers Debate If A Hot Dog Is A Sandwich
Great Thinkers Debate If A Hot Dog Is A Sandwich
Did your mother consider it a sandwich?
Louie Aronowitz
Aug 1
Rosie The Gen Z Riveter Fights The War On Millennial Socks!
Rosie The Gen Z Riveter Fights The War On Millennial Socks!
Together we can make socks visible again
Ida Shiang
Jul 31
I Read Fantasy For The Sex Sorry Did I Say Sex I Meant Plot
I Read Fantasy For The Sex Sorry Did I Say Sex I Meant Plot
I’ve never felt so inspired to read
Caroline Cotter
Jul 30
Welcome To The Tour De Skunk
Welcome To The Tour De Skunk
The Tour de France is through now, so I’ve hired newly unemployed Phil Liggett to announce my bicycle ride.
Avery Gregurich
Jul 29
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