Riverdale: But Where’s This All Going? And Where the Hell Is Kevin?
Season 2, Episode 8
Greetings, folks, and welcome to The Queue’s official coverage of Riverdale season two. The eighth episode of season two had a very shirtless Archie, an actually good murder mystery, and yet another Betty-planned event that went south (#shocker), so let’s dive in.
If you’re still catching up on what this is and who I am and what Riverdale is, I suggest this post, this post, and this post.
And here are my other recaps thus far: Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7.
And obviously, spoilers follow, so don’t read ahead if you hate knowing shit.
Episode Overview in Haiku Form
Y’all know I dig a haiku:
This whole ep was weird,
But I strangely liked it lots,
Seriously…what?
The 5X5
This section breaks down the top five things you need to know from this episode:
- Betty and Jughead were a united front and playing house and then suddenly were no longer a united front. Also Betty stripped and I didn’t like it, but I’ll get to that further down.
- Varchie was doing the nasty all day, every day. Things were looking hot with a side of extra steamy until Archie decided to drop the fated “L” word and freaked out Veronica. Ah, young love. And apparently producers wanted us to see a lot of KJ Apa shirtless, because I’m pretty sure his six-pack took up 80% of the airtime in this episode.
- We had a GREAT episode in terms of the murder mystery/Black Hood subplot. And as I predicted last week, janitor Svenson is a bigger part of this storyline than he would initially seem. And I still think writers are hiding some shit from us. I’m bracing myself for anything remotely close to a “child murdered his entire family” reveal.
- Jughead can apparently quote Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Masque of the Red Death” by heart but can’t seem to figure out why his father shouldn’t rejoin a gang. This kid, folks. I can’t.
- Meanwhile, Alice Cooper and FP Jones were basically making babies with the amount of sexual tension in this episode. Wheeeeeeew.
Camila Mendes Eyebrows Update
Camila Mendes gave us a backseat-of-a-limo cry worthy of The Bachelor, and her eyebrows were on point while doing it.
The Most Interesting Thing Archie Did in This Episode
Archie and Veronica laying out on a fur rug covered by a fur blanket next to a a gigantic fireplace was both bougie as hell and the aesthetic I aim for.
Artsy White Fuckboy Jughead Line of the Week
I didn’t have to go far for this week’s Artsy White Fuckboy Jughead line this week, because here’s how he literally opened the episode: “Like the Red Death showing up in an Edgar Allen Poe story…”
He then referred to Archie and Veronica having sex as “carnal defiance.” Y’all. Y’ALL.
Pretentious Film Observation of the Week
I took exactly one film class in college during my freshman year and I’m trying to pretend I learned things from it that I still remember.
In my very important ranking of the first eight episodes of this season, I’d say this was probably my favorite of the bunch. We saw a lot of elements I liked about the first season: We had a solid mystery (with a twist!), the focus on the four kids (but not too much on Archie, which gets Very Boring), and we had some bizarre moments that were completely unnecessary (what was that Cheryl/Josie storyline?). So yeah, it was good overall.
Oh, and we have drama for next week that I care about, aka the future of Bughead and the reveal of who the Black Hood is.
I do, however, have questions. Jackson McHenry wrote this hilarious piece for Vulture joking about what temperature it is in the town of Riverdale (how can it be that Archie is forever shirtless yet Bughead are always wearing coats?), but I think this gets after my larger question: What kind of universe is this supposed to be?
The town of Riverdale is full of bizarre anachronisms, like people using typewriters along with smartphones, folks from every walk of life descending upon a 24-hour diner at all hours of the day and night, a hospital that looks like something out of a 1950s sitcom, and culturally aware teens dropping phrases like “privilege” and “misogyny” at every turn (though nothing about race…womp). As a network, The CW has been known for creating wacky worlds and mixing them with poorly orchestrated plot lines (RIP Anthropologie-wearing Mary Queen of Scots and that terrible attempted rape story on Reign), but this show is surely up there.
As we head into the winter finale, the big question is, what larger message are writers trying to tell with Riverdale? As I’ve covered over the first eight episodes, they seem to be attempting to illustrate that this show understands where teens are at in this day and age, but they also don’t address a lot of the underlying problematic elements of where they’ve decided to go to prove that.
Sure, the plot’s (finally) picking up. But the story hasn’t really addressed ongoing audience concerns and criticisms about the show’s lack of discourse surrounding race, its portrayal of the LGBTQ community, and so much more. For example, we’ve got a show centered around the world’s most unrealistic portrayal of a gang and a minor stripping in front of older men in the same show that’s bringing us women pursuing legal action for attempted sexual assault and teens solving cases that adults can’t crack. I can’t be the only one saying, “Wait…what?”
Analysis ’n’ Stuff
This is the section where I give my random thoughts and track a few things throughout the series.
The New Nancy and Ned
I cackled at Veronica’s response to Betty asking her and Archie to take over investigating the Conway murders: “You want us…to be you guys?”
Varchie knows that Bughead is the iconic duo here.
The Introductory Sociology Talk Continues
During this episode’s very underdeveloped B-story, we had Cheryl Blossom yelling, “Take your male gaze and your male privilege and get out of the women’s locker room!” Thanks, Cheryl.
Why Are People Letting Betty Throw Another Party?
“It’s gonna be a good night,” Archie says to Jughead right before this Betty-planned shindig starts and (unsurprisingly) turns disastrous. Um, did either of y’all forget the last time Betty planned a party, aka Jughead’s birthday party in season one, Cheryl went on a rampage and #exposed every member of the Scooby gang, and Jughead punched Chuck Clayton.
These teens, man.
So, what went wrong at this Betty-run circus? Well:
- Archie and Veronica sang the saddest possible song—Mad World—for a supposedly joyous retirement party.
- Oh, and then Betty stripped to that song. (I fast-forwarded through this part, because the creepiness level of a bunch of grown ass men watching a teenager strip is off the effing charts. Seriously, Riverdale?)
- FP decided he was all good with the Serpents again in an effort to save his son from Penny Peabody’s snake charmin’ ways.
- Basically everyone’s plans backfired.
- Bughead and Varchie broke up. And we got a hint of an Archie/Betty (Barchie?) pairing. Y’all, I’m so tired.
Again I say, these teens, man.
Lastly, as I asked a couple weeks ago during the drag race episode: How the hell are these Riverdale High kids always invited to these gang events after all the shenanigans they’ve pulled? Archie threatened the Serpent youths with a gun like four episodes ago. And now him and Ronnie show up to a Serpent leader’s retirement-but-not party and pretend it’s chill? Ditto for Alice Cooper. She yammering on at town halls about running these people out of town and gets to just show up with all forgiven? What?
We’re Gonna Get an Alice Cooper/FP Jones Sex Scene
Mark my words: They’re gonna do it. The end.
Is Casey Cott Okay?
Alleged series regular Casey Cott was just straight-up missing from this episode. Writers didn’t even freaking bother anymore. Poor kid.
The Mid-Season Finale? It Looks Really Damn Good
We’ve got Jughead yelling “Death!” and Barchie snooping around and Veronica’s trash parents letting her in on some big secret. Take us there, maddeningly inconsistent Riverdale writing crew.
