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Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

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Meet The Man Who Replies To Every Email

Meet The Man Who Replies To Every Email

SORRY for the late reply, I have many emails to reply to.

Nov 3

We Regret To Inform You There Has Been A Breach In Your Security Data

We Regret To Inform You There Has Been A Breach In Your Security Data

But whose fault is it really?

Nov 2

As Your Next President, I’ll Tell You The Truth About UFOs Even If It’s Scary As Hell

As Your Next President, I’ll Tell You The Truth About UFOs Even If It’s Scary As Hell

My next act as president will be to have my I.T. department post it all at WhiteHouse.org/aliens

Nov 1

How To Enjoy Slow Cinema

How To Enjoy Slow Cinema

The main thing is to try to forget what it’s like to have fun

Nov 1

Rotting Jack-O’-Lantern Or You At The End Of Fall?

Rotting Jack-O’-Lantern Or You At The End Of Fall?

Admittedly, neither of you is at your peak.

Oct 31

Scenes From A Horror Film Made Specifically For Introverts

Scenes From A Horror Film Made Specifically For Introverts

A friendly figure is walking toward you. You panic and hide.

Viktoria Shulevich

Oct 31

Remembrances Of Lovers Past, Halloween Candy Edition

Remembrances Of Lovers Past, Halloween Candy Edition

Every wrapper tells a story.

Oct 31

More Heehee's and Hoohoo's

Keith Morrison Narrates The Bates Motel Murders

Keith Morrison Narrates The Bates Motel Murders

“Terror at The Bates Motel”

Oct 30

A Medieval Peasant Reacts To Kid’s Halloween Jokes

A Medieval Peasant Reacts To Kid’s Halloween Jokes

Q. What do you call two witches who live together?

Oct 30

Ending My Toxic Relationship With A 7-Year-Old Trick-or-Treater

Ending My Toxic Relationship With A 7-Year-Old Trick-or-Treater

Every time I hear the doorbell ring, I’m triggered.

Emily Kapp & Daniel Stillman

Oct 30

Tips For Relieving Your Rigor Mortis

Tips For Relieving Your Rigor Mortis

Unless you’re in a confined space, like a drawer at the morgue, try to touch your toes.

Oct 29

If I Investigated Real Crimes Like I Watch Mystery Movies

If I Investigated Real Crimes Like I Watch Mystery Movies

“The neighbor says he has video of a delivery guy doing it.” Carter says, scowling. “Too simple,” I respond. “We’re only five minutes in.”

Oct 29

Interpretations Of That One Ghostbusters Song Lyric — Yeah, You Know Which One

Interpretations Of That One Ghostbusters Song Lyric — Yeah, You Kno...

Bustin’ makes me feel good!

Oct 28

Walking vs. Hiking vs. Running From A Crazed Serial Killer Through The Woods

Walking vs. Hiking vs. Running From A Crazed Serial Killer Through ...

Let’s take a look at some of the key differences between the three activities

Oct 28

Unfortunately, You Meet 100% Of The Requirements For This Job

Unfortunately, You Meet 100% Of The Requirements For This Job

You’ve only yourself to blame.

Oct 27

Why I Feel Sexy Every Day

Why I Feel Sexy Every Day

Hint: Just by being myself

Oct 26

I Keep Stumbling Into Parallel Universes

I Keep Stumbling Into Parallel Universes

How else to explain the phenomena to which I am continually exposed on this bizarre journey?

Oct 25

Hi, I Went To Princeton

Hi, I Went To Princeton

It’s no big deal, just something I mentioned three seconds after meeting you.

Oct 24

We Can Now Scientifically Prove That Everyone’s Mad At You

We Can Now Scientifically Prove That Everyone’s Mad At You

Your lingering doubts are grounded in reality, worse than you imagined, and most definitely personally directed at you.

Oct 24

If Greek Myths Were Florida Man Headlines

If Greek Myths Were Florida Man Headlines

Zeus would totally be a Gators fan.

Oct 23

I Tried To End A Dry Spell — But The Only One Who Came Was Regret

I Tried To End A Dry Spell — But The Only One Who Came Was Regret

Remember that trash book about the secret society of pickup artists? I think I accidentally met one

Oct 23

My Top Priority As An Editor Is Ignoring The Contributors To My Publication

My Top Priority As An Editor Is Ignoring The Contributors To My Pub...

Total disregard is my business, and business is good

Oct 23

What Do You Mean, You Hate Being Called “Ma’am?”

What Do You Mean, You Hate Being Called “Ma’am?”

Oct 22

Nicole Kidman’s Just Moved To My Quiet Coastal Town, So One Of Us Is About To Be Stabbed To Death

Nicole Kidman’s Just Moved To My Quiet Coastal Town, So One Of Us I...

Whenever Nicole Kidman shows up in a community like ours, it means that someone is about to get murdered. She’s a curse.

Oct 22

Playlist To Torture A Diabetic

Playlist To Torture A Diabetic

Turn the radio on — and cry

Elena Vale Wahl

Oct 21

Realistic Dog Treats

Realistic Dog Treats

If they had their way, they’d eat these every day

Oct 21

A Michelin Star Menu Of Stuff That I, The Parent Of A Toddler, Have Sadly Eaten

A Michelin Star Menu Of Stuff That I, The Parent Of A Toddler, Have...

Mélange of tortilla chips and sand-encrusted Cheerios hand-harvested from the depths of the diaper bag

Elizabeth Simone

Oct 20

4 Signs You’re Looking At Modern Art And Not Garbage

4 Signs You’re Looking At Modern Art And Not Garbage

When does nothing become something, and when does something become art?

Oct 19

It’s Time To Turn Off Your Phone

It’s Time To Turn Off Your Phone

There’s one problem: You have more scrolling to do.

Oct 18

12 Astonishing Facts About Capybaras

12 Astonishing Facts About Capybaras

Everything you thought you knew about these enormous blunt-nosed rodents is wrong.

Laurie Miller Hornik

Oct 17

DAD! Your Daughter Is In DESPERATE NEED Of A Monthly Campaign Contribution!

DAD! Your Daughter Is In DESPERATE NEED Of A Monthly Campaign Contr...

Your donation could be the difference between Annie’s Mac n Cheese and Sweetgreen for lunch!

Oct 16

Welcome To Coldplay Towers, The Retirement Home For Elder Millennials!

Welcome To Coldplay Towers, The Retirement Home For Elder Millennials!

We thought of everything.

Oct 16

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