John CorteninThe HavenUSA Men’s Olympic Soccer Team Training Harder Than Ever for Quadrennial FailureIt’s not as easy as they make it look1d ago1d ago
John CorteninThe HavenCarl’s Jr. Double Guacamole Bacon Burger Added to List of Banned Substances for Olympic SprintersProperly-timed consumption can provide unfair rear thrust4d ago14d ago1
John CorteninThe HavenGravity Gives up, Starts Letting Science Deniers Hurtle Into SpaceTreading extremely lightlyJul 18Jul 18
John CorteninThe HavenBatter Uses Moronic Hit-by-Pitch Rule to Achieve Perfect on-Base PercentageIt’s technically not cheatingJul 14Jul 14
John CorteninThe HavenProclaimers Admit They’re Actually From Trenton, New JerseyI’m gonna be the man who’s pecs are haverin’Jul 6Jul 6
John CorteninThe HavenAI Bans Humanizing of its Writing, Issac Asimov Rises From Dead For Victory LapJun 30Jun 30
John CorteninThe HavenSupreme Court Releases Ill-Timed Hip-Hop Collaboration With RNCThe Supreme Court of the United States, mired in several scandals that have exposed apparent political bias by multiple conservative…Jun 27Jun 27
John CortenBon Jovi Admits Tommy Never Worked on the Docks, They Were Nowhere Near Halfway thereJun 19Jun 19
