Living Out With Pride, Global Struggles, & Queer History … in Queer Voices
Prism & Pen Weekly Digest — June 23, 2024
by James Finn
This week in Prism & Pen, a young trans woman is anxious about calling herself a lesbian, an elderly straight man remembers the gay men he loved, and a gay filmmaker defends his crushes on straight men. A gay Texan ponders the humanity of the Other while remembering his dad’s childhood crutches … as another writer examines the dehumanizing of queer people around the globe.
Plus, step back in time to Coptic Egypt of 15 centuries ago to meet a man pining for the love of another man.
As always, we bring you book and film reviews, short fiction, and a serialized queer sci-fi thriller, The Medellan Conspiracy.
Prism & Pen brings you authentic queer storytelling voices every morning... Come read with us!👇
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* P&P Perspectives in Three Stories *
Calling Myself a Trans Woman? Hard. Calling Myself a Lesbian? Harder.
For me personally, performing a more extreme femininity for the sake of correct gendering sounds exhausting. I just want to wear what I want, sometimes don a dress, occasionally paint my nails, and have an unhealthily large collection of cute bags.
Seriously, it’s beginning to become a problem — I can’t stop buying bags.
I also won’t pretend there aren’t still other issues, like me being unable to take hold of one last pesky label.
It’s still difficult to refer to myself as a lesbian.
Queer is easy. Simple. Catch-all.
Lesbian is difficult. Loaded. Specific.
What My Dad’s Childhood Crutches Taught His Gay Son About Othering
The thick humid air of an early summer day in Texas made breathing difficult. We were out in the garage, sifting through boxes from several moves, of several people, detritus of the dying washed up in our lives ... Sorting and sifting, I moved some boxes and found a pair of crutches .…
They were my father’s crutches from his childhood in the 40’s. They were his badge of difference, his scarlet letter, from a time when difference was threatening and physical difference a mark of divine disfavor.
Coming on the heels of a global depression and in the middle of a global war, the disability of a small boy in the caliche flats of West Texas mattered little in the grand scheme of things.
To his family, it changed their world.
Pride and Prejudice: Global Struggles for LGBTQ+ Acceptance
This Pride month, people around the world celebrate their fight against prejudice and the prospect of love (no matter how gay it might be) overcoming the most vile human emotion: hatred. For those of us living in socially progressive areas, it is easy to forget that, in most countries, rampant state-sanctioned persecution of LGBTQ+ individuals persists, and many queer people cannot live freely without fears of ostracization and violence.
Due to the widespread criminalization of queerness in all its forms, many are forced to leave everything they know behind. As they flee persecution and violence in their home countries in search of acceptance and safety, queer asylum seekers face extraordinary challenges, including hostile and unsafe environments in refugee camps, complex legal processes, and continued homophobic discrimination in host countries. For many, abandoning their home countries, families, and careers is not just about comfort and freedom; it is life and death.
* Essays & Creative Non Fiction *
Defending My Gay Crushes on Straight Men
Nearly every gay man I know has fallen for a straight guy at least once or twice. But is this inevitable, or cause for alarm? When does it become a pattern? Is it harmful, or are there innocent ways to justify it? …
Because I don’t want to indulge in a scarcity mentality, I assume anyone I’m attracted to could potentially be queer …
But since I don’t believe in stereotypes, there’s no reason to avoid chatting with someone just because he presents in a more hetero-masculine way. Meanwhile, a great many of the straight men who’ve enchanted me the most presented in a more stereotypically “gay” way than I do.
To All the Chosen Families I’ve Had Before
One thing my experience in life thus far has taught me is that I will never be accepted. As a kid, I stuck out like a sore thumb because of my multiracial background and undiagnosed ADHD. Then as a teen, I started to question my sexuality, which felt like a societal death sentence. I was already mixed, now I couldn’t pick a gender to like either.
When I finally felt secure in my label I thought I would start telling people. My friends readily accepted me but my family did not. I was lost and confused, now given new and shiny attachment issues. After a while, I realized the only thing my friends didn’t care about was my sexuality. Still, being accepted for one thing is better than nothing. Hey, my family couldn’t even do that.
My Name Goes Beyond Gender
Determination, Deliberation, and Dragons
My name is both masculine and feminine. Not the name Peter, but my Greek name, Panayiotis. Well, sort of. In Greek, “Panayiotis” doesn’t exactly mean “Peter.” A direct translation would be closer to the masculine form of “the Virgin Mary.” My name is Παναγιώτης and the Virgin Mary is Παναγία. All of us Marys and Peters (the ones who go by this particular name — there are other Greek names that we associate with “Peter”) celebrate our name day on the same day: August 15th.
I never explained what my name meant to my American friends when I was growing up in New York in the 2000s. Nothing seemed worse at the time than them thinking I had a girl’s name…
My Black Sheep Uncle Influenced This Gay Boy
“I will give him a hug. I need to rest now, I love you,” he replied. We hung up. Harold died the next morning, only a few days after being diagnosed with kidney failure. He passed quickly and peacefully.
Harold was the BLACK SHEEP of the family. He was often on the run from gambling loans (it was an illness to him). Sometimes he would live with us, sometimes with my Aunt Annette and her husband. He was often in jail for burglary and theft, after running out of gambling money…
He was influential in my life in that he never judged me or had expectations of who or what I should or could be.
My Teenage Homophobic Frenemy
Now, by this point in our schooling, John clearly disliked me for some reason. Probably because I was a nerdy kid with “feminine” interests.
At the ages of 11 and 12, did John suspect I might be gay?
I can’t know for sure. But he never resorted to physical violence. He never explicitly called me a “faggot.”
He’d usually call me a “dork” in a bitter tone.
Sometimes when we had clothes on…
… and sometimes while we were butt-ass naked!
As you can imagine, this “dork” didn’t fight back — neither verbally nor physically.
I Made It Onto a Prolific Transphobe’s Block List
It was comedian and writer Graham Linehan who added me to his list of users to block. Linehan was famous for writing “Father Ted” and “The IT Crowd.” Now, he is famous for writing transphobic drivel on X (formerly Twitter) and his blog — as well as complaining about being cancelled for his views.
I blocked Linehan over a year ago. His relentless transphobia doesn’t seem to end — even posting outrage at a trans woman friend of mine rightly being placed in a female hospital ward. She faced a dog pile of abuse as a result of Linehan and others.
Gay Conversion Therapy: The Harmful Illusion of Change
Conversion therapy has many names — reparative therapy, sexual reorientation therapy, and sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE). But it’s all the same bag of tricks. These unethical practices try to transform someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity to match uptight social norms.
There’s rock-solid proof that sexual orientation is inborn, at least for some people. Though sexuality may change over time, those feelings can’t be forced.
As a gay therapist, I can assure you conversion therapy grossly violates human rights rather than fixes any clinical problem.
I Went Topless at a Pride Parade and Had the Time of My Life
I saw a topless woman body-painted to look like Supergirl, donning a rainbow cape, men in daisy-duke shorts with wings strapped to their backs, and impressively high platform shoes as far as the eye could see.
We made our way onto Gay Street, which was like entering a rainbow bazaar. Flags hung from nearly every window, shops displayed Pride items, and people handed out condoms, lube, candy necklaces, and Mardi Gras beads.
We discovered nipple pasties on the sidewalks… We raised our eyebrows suggestively and reached for the pasties as we entered into an unspoken agreement.
A Straight Man Remembers the Second Gay Man He Loved: Carl W.
Carl W., the second man I came to love, first appeared in my life at Noel’s Coffee Shop in Allentown, PA. I was usually behind the grill, but Noel was off doing errands that day, …
He sat on a stool, offered his hand, greeted me by name, and smiled. His grip was firm and friendly. He wore a stylish button-down shirt and slim khaki pants. I figured he was selling something and waited for the pitch…
“I work at Hess Brothers down the street, and come here for coffee, and to see you.”
I moved a little farther up the counter. I had been hit on before — even while in the Army, but rarely so obviously.
The Difference Between Female, Woman and Feminine
I took another tumble down the transgender pit of endless questions and doubts again this week. I was triggered by my own doubts and reading too many TERF articles.
I know, I know, why do I allow haters to continue to shake my transgender reality?
It’s like constantly picking at an emotional scab.
Regardless, here is the twisted mental path I chopped, one more time, through the endless gender jungle…
What’s A Gay, Vegan Business Owner to Do?
I am four and a half years into running my nonprofit fundraising and recruiting consultancy. Since I began, I have made it a point to show up at local business events to meet others in the small-business world and and the nonprofit world.
I also like to be an advocate of the causes my nonprofit clients work in: unhoused youth, domestic violence, refugees, immigrants, and animal rights.
… there are times I decide not to attend specific meetings or conferences. Usually that is because of where the event is or who is sponsoring it.
That Time I Kissed a Girl and Liked It Because I Was Attracted to Her
“Lipstick lesbians” were the more acceptable form of lesbian, looking as femme as any straight woman.
Then came the phase started by women celebrities in the early 2000s. Straight women started kissing each other in public.
Women who had no sexual or romantic interest in each other would proudly announce they’d kissed their friend last night. Nowadays, they share Instagram selfies to that effect.
How sexy, others agreed. It was still assumed to be a turn-on for straight guys, of course. And here we are, confusing bisexuality with trends.
Owning Bisexuality: A Book Helps Clarify What Bi Identity Means to Me
Zane’s frank and honest confessions regarding his own sexual adventures — he’s not the least bit shy about airing some triple-X-rated details — implicitly give the reader permission to abandon any lingering embarrassment or shame…
But, Zane’s tome is much more than a sensationalistic tell-all. The author also takes a deep dive into bisexual identity — more specifically, what it means to identify as a bisexual man.
Being a man, and having identified as bi for a half century … this writer, too, has developed some strong feelings and opinions on this often contentious topic.
‘Heartstopper’: Healing Your Inner Queer Kid
As a queer person, have you ever wished to have a romantic relationship during high school? I bet you have, but I also bet you did not have the chance to, for a number of reasons. If this is you, then I highly suggest you watch the Netflix series Heartstopper… based on Alice Oseman’s graphic novels of the same name.
…Fans can now look forward to the third season coming out in October 2024… I truly cherish this series and I believe it to be a healthy piece of representation that is often missing in the LGBTQ+ community… It makes me hopeful that for the generations of queer kids to come, it might seem more like a potential reality and less like a far-fetched dream.
Two Gay Schoolboys, in Love, at War
As the 2023 novel begins, In Memoriam introduces us to the homoerotically violent world of Preshute, a British Public school. It is the early days of the First World War, and we learn … that nine of its “boys” have already perished in battle. Sidney Ellwood, 17, who has tied younger boys to chairs and beaten them, is eager to kill Germans. Henry Gaunt, 18, is a pacifist, yet he uses his fists to express his repressed emotions.
Ellwood and Gaunt are in love with one another, but each is afraid to reveal his feelings; meanwhile both boys are in sexual relationships with older students, who are also gay. There is a lot of gay sex going on at Preshute, much of it violent and coercive, some of it tender and loving. Everyone knows it’s happening, but no one must ever tell.
A Gay Love Spell from Coptic Egypt Reaches Out Across 15 Centuries
Despite the fact that the Coptic Church, which is the most important cultural Coptic establishment nowadays, condemns homosexuality, we can find in archeological discoveries proof that homosexuality existed in Egypt’s Coptic Christian antiquity period.
And it existed in conjunction with the religious practices of the time.
Last century, British Egyptologist Francis Llewellyn Griffith received a vellum leaf from an Egyptian man named Fanous ...
It’s from a man named Apapōlō, the son of Noōē, to garner the attention of another man, Phlo, the son of Maure… It is the only mention of homosexual relationships in the Coptic language that has been found so far.
PRIDE: The Changing Face of Gay in the 1970s from My Personal Memories
My memories of my young adulthood, the beginning years of my being gay, seemed to be filled with much freedom. The newfound rights, the beginning of a positive visibility as a result of Stonewall, the ability to openly defend and fight for gay rights, sex fairly easily available, and beginning of being gay-socially acceptable to others, added to this feeling of freedom.
Yes, the times were still fraught with difficulties, but for the most part, many of us no longer had to hide, to be invisible, to laugh at colleagues’ inappropriate gay jokes.
My Entire Life Was Upended By A Music Video In High School
Imagine the following scenario: you are a goth teenager in a gifted and talented, invite-only high school. You have untreated hormone issues that cause violent mood swings not unlike bipolar disorder.
You have an eating disorder and are Captain of the C Team for one of two school sports teams: the Varsity Academic Team. You’re a loner and a freak, and such is life.
Congrats! You now know what it was like for me in high school. I was the one who was terminally online.
This Trans Femme Has Never Felt Part of The Sisterhood
I remember one of the first times I went into a female bathroom. It was in a library, and an older woman came in with a walker. She looked me up and down and then loudly asked if this was the women’s bathroom. I don’t know if she was being cruel or simply oblivious, but it made me feel like shit.
Since then, I have never felt comfortable in women’s spaces. Even as my hair and boobs grew out and people started referring to me as ma’am and miss, there was always a hesitancy I had: Am I femme enough?
Do I deserve to be here?
I see so many people calling me and my fellow trans peers sisters, but sometimes it’s hard to believe that these words are anything more than talk.
A Gay Pride Litmus Test: We Are the Rainbow Canaries
LGBTQ people have been here since mammals sprouted a branch on the evolutionary tree. Probably before. For the most part, we have been integrated, ignored, or treated with benign neglect; basically, we weren’t worth the trouble of a pogrom. At least, until the Christian obsession with sex and sexuality became wide-spread doctrine.
The extent to which homophobia reaches into Western culture is testament to the power of controlling information and establishing an absolute authority for the interpretation of reality. Any power can do this, but in the West, Christianity takes the lead with a rich history of creating truth for propagation often in contradiction of readily observable facts, their adherence to the Ptolemaic model of the Universe a case in point.
Conversion Therapist Proudly Admits He’s ‘The Terror that Haunts’ LGBTQ+ People
Christian Post op-ed contributor Andrew Rodriguez proudly admits that he is a conversion therapist, and declares he “intend[s] to write a few articles dispelling the myths around therapy for sexuality.”
Rodriguez believes that affirming a queer identity is wrong, so he decided to practice conversion therapy. He was kicked out of graduate school, but he persists, refusing to believe he might be wrong…
Rodriguez opens the article with “I am the boogeyman. Yes, according to the LGBTQ+ activists and their sympathizers, I am the terror that haunts their dreams.”
* Fiction Shorts *
A Gay Boy’s Performance Shakes the House of Southern Comfort
In Miltie’s bedroom, I wrapped myself in a sheet. I wrapped it tightly around my body.
After pulling a pillowcase off a pillow and tossing the former on the bed, I stuffed the pillow underneath and secured it with a red Christmas ribbon I found on Miltie’s bureau.
I threw the pillowcase on my head, jumped into Miltie’s sister’s room, and snatched the gleaming primrose hand mirror on her antique vanity.
“Let the show begin,” I whispered, my heart pumping out of my chest while swaying into the living room, where everyone was seated for cocktails.
The Gay Detective: Death and the Distracted Driver
A couple of Ian’s relatives were connected. In the mob sense of the word. His cousin Vincent, for one. Yes, Ian has a Cousin Vinnie.
Vinnie’s brother, Guido, owned a restaurant down on Fifth. Retro-rustic whitewashed plaster walls, hand-cut beams, red-and-white-checked tablecloths. But the framed black and white photos of the Olde Country papering the walls were the real deal. His chef’s clam linguini was to die for. And so far, I hadn’t felt any need to pry.
Cousin Vinnie’s bullet-riddled Mercedes coupe crashing through Guido’s front windows into a table of five changed that. Our quiet evening out was in a shambles.
Editor’s note: Elle’s gay detective appears in other stand-alone stories. If you enjoy the characters, you’ll find links inside. And check P&P for new stories!
* Fiction Series *
The Medellan Conspiracy
By Grayson Bell
An explosion has ripped apart the orbiting ship that set this story in motion. A secret society of violent extremists from Jevan’s culture are determined to drive away representatives from Ardyn’s home world. Will the two lovers survive long enough to bring their respective peoples together?
The last thing Amyra and Tamaran did was to revive the Medellans that had triggered the explosions aboard ship, or were about to. There was no other way to get them through the maintenance shafts. While their hands had to remain free, they were secured to each other and to two security techs.
Andreesen addressed them personally as Keryth gathered everyone by the still closed entrance of the observation lounge. “I know you probably planned to die up here, but the rest of us are not so eager for death.”
One of the men was about to speak up when Andreesen shot him a look. “Don’t even try to argue. I don’t care what you think is going to happen if the Wah’kah’ria remains in orbit. There is no sign of it happening anytime soon.
Read Episode 75: Escape
Read Episode 74: Evacuation
That’s all for Prism & Pen this week, folks, so happy reading!
Writers, have you seen our Pride prompt? Pride Is Under Threat. What Does That Mean for You This Year? We’ll be telling Pride stories all month. Join us! We’ll be releasing a new prompt soon, but we’re always ready to help you tell your Pride stories.
And we’ll see y’all next Sunday! ❤️
— Jim
