“James Hancock wanted to meet a woman who shared his core values. But when you’re a strict Objectivist, it can be a little tricky.”

Heads up: This story is out there. Hover over the link to familiarize yourself with the URL in case you come across it in the ether, but DO NOT CLICK unless you are in a safe space for crying and will not see anyone for about an hour beyond that, just in case you have a couple of emotional aftershocks.

“Rep. Michael Grimm (R-NY) says he did not have sex with a woman in the bathroom at The Owl’s Head in Bay Ridge on the Friday before the government shutdown.”

“Can weekend ‘recovery sleep’ make up for too little sleep during the work week? According to new research, not so much.” But given how terrible people are in general, even the well-rested ones, maybe it is for the best if everyone walks around bleary-eyed and inattentive until we all fall into the…

Gross. RT @jyarow: New public golf course in the Bronx has city views from every hole. It opens in 2015. pic.twitter.com/ayPGsPEIyZ

— Kofi Appiah Biney (@kofiabiney) October 16, 2013

“Cave Women Were Artists Too”

“Oreos can be as addictive to the brain as cocaine, the authors of a scientific study have claimed.”

Is there any way to cook the killer doody off of chicken? Nobody can say for sure, but given how terrible people are in general, even the ones who are trying to reduce their consumption of mammals, maybe it is for the best if we scarf those wings down ’til we’re all in the ground.

Awl pal Anna Holmes picks the five ladybooks everyone should read if they want to be Awl pal Anna Holmes. These are also very solid choices for anyone with less lofty aspirations.

“Researchers from the Harvard School of Public Health found that men who eat lots of processed meat like bacon and sausage have lower sperm quality than men who don’t,” but given how terrible people are in general, even the ones produced by the people with the healthy diets, maybe it is for the best if we pig out until we’re all extinct.