List #12: 30 Beliefs I Changed About Myself & Life

30 Lists of 30 to Celebrate my 30th Birthday

12 min readAug 13, 2021

The What & Why Behind This Project:

This year I turn 30. And my gosh, I have been thinking about it a lot. I don’t know if it’s the pandemic, or the fact that this milestone is loaded with many societal expectations, but my mind has inundated me with reflections and memories from the past, with questions arising about my life choices and lesson learnt, about my expectations of being a human and about my desires for the future. And this combined with pandemic reflections has meant there has been a lot on my mind….🤔

I started writing a series of questions and lists of all the elements I wanted to capture and articulate. There were a lot, unsurprisingly; 30 years is a long time really! So I gave up on the 1 list idea that I normally write (30 reflections/lessons turning 30) and decided to write 30 lists.

30 Lists of 30, for my 30th Birthday.

Who are these lists for, you might wonder? I started writing reflections many years ago to get to know myself better. And when I shared these raw and real accounts with friends I discovered that what I wrote about my individual journey, touched upon something universally human. Beyond the masks and labels we wear is a messy, beautifully complex life, with highs and lows. And more similar to others than we might think.

So I share them in the hope that you too might feel something — intrigue, joy, resonance or maybe even difference — as you reflect on what it means to be a human. I recognise that my experiences are my own, that some come from a place of privilege and that they may not all be relatable or interesting to you. I know I can’t please everyone, so take what you can…(and let me know what lands!).

So, Back to Lists…

The Why Behind List #12: 30 Beliefs I Changed about Myself & Life

In the past 5 years I have begun to truly understand how important beliefs are…how they completely limit our sense of reality, of what is ‘right’ and of what is possible. I know I’m very much like I used to be but also different, and writing this list has helped me see how much I have changed in my beliefs and how because of that I can engage in the world in a different (and hopefully more expansive) way.

List #12: 30 Beliefs I Changed about Myself, Others & Life

I now believe I have a lot less control about what happens and only how I respond to what happens. Regardless of how much I engineer the good stuff, life will be bumpy; there will be plenty of ups and downs and things I don’t want to happen.
I now believe that the most powerful relationship I can have is with myself, and how I treat the voice in my head. I need to become my best teammate or best friend. To love myself deeply, to always give myself empathy and kindness. Especially when I don’t achieve what I want to or am faced with shadow parts of my personality that I dislike. And that scolding myself for not getting stuff done, and holding myself to very high standards all the time actually has a negative impact on my outputs. Instead, celebrating moments of success is a bigger motivator than pushing myself to do more or better.
I used to think that adults knew what they were doing. Now I believe that everyone is winging it a lot of the time — making it up as they go.
I now believe I am beautiful and attractive. It is crazy how the evidence was there all the time but I choose not to see or acknowledge it (confirmation bias at play here), and even when I realised I was simply reinforcing a story that wasn’t serving me, it still took me a long time and much internal work to reverse the belief.
I now realise I can change my beliefs — that they are not the truth or fixed in any concrete way but simply the result of my or other people’s interpretations. How do you change beliefs? First, by choosing a belief and then putting myself in the context where I can create enough evidence to make it true (e.g I became an okay swimmer simply showing up to train twice a week, getting some lessons and signing up to do a 1 mile competition). My potential is only limited by what beliefs I think are possible to have.
Therefore, I also believe I can achieve pretty much most of the goals I want to achieve. Although they might take longer than I expect them too and the ‘how’ might not be the way I expect it to be.
I believe that most human beings are by their nature kind and good natured, but that our life circumstances and environment, social influences and trauma can play a huge role in shaping our behaviour patterns. Previously I was more likely to try to understand people’s behaviour outside of their contexts.
Related to this — I never really understood how people could make bad choices — like cheating, adultery — especially when they had integrity in most parts of their lives. I believe now that it a lot more complicated than this, that being human means we sometimes make really bad decisions that hurt ourselves and others, and sometimes the slope is a lot more slippery than we expect. I’ve listened to a lot of people’s stories and well as experiencing a lot of imperfection in myself. We rarely talk about this kind of stuff because of the shame surrounding it, but pretty much everyone is hiding something they did that they aren’t proud of. So nowadays, I am much less surprised and judgmental these days when people do share in what way they messed up.
I once believed that I can change the world. Then this belief moved to something more pessimistic and disempowering — I believed that problems were too complex and systemic and ever changing for me to change the world. Now, I believe that I can be part of a current for collective change, or even a catalyst that has ripple effects.
I also now believe that to change the world you need to first be the change you want to see in the world, and not just talk about the change. To influence by modelling the behaviour. Small actions can create ripples which can and do change the world.
I now realise that I don’t have to change the world to be valued as a human. I am learning to accept that if I don’t achieve my goals then I can still be accepted, still be somebody and still be loved in the world. I’m not there yet but at least I now know that part of my need to succeed comes from insecurity. But there is another part of me that just wants to be in the world experimenting, creative and making impact because I can.
I believe that the kind of person I want to spend my life with is a rare find. I know that this belief doesn’t necessarily serve me well, and could do with letting go of, but it does seem to be one that feels true right now.
I used to believe that my body was invisible and that I could create more energy through willpower. In many ways, I do believe that we can do 1000% more than we think we can, and my experiences with sleep deprivation in the Army Reserves, running a marathon/ultra-marathon and generally taking on a lot of projects at once show me that this is possible. However, my health challenges taught me that there is a cost and the bodies signals to slow down, rest and play are real and important to listen to before they build up.
I used to want to be liked by everyone, and now I realise that some people are not going to like me. And even though it might hurt, that’s okay. I might not make sense to others, I might challenge their values or beliefs about how to live and behave, I might not fulfill their needs and expectations in the way they want me to and I might trigger them. These things are all possible and even though I might like to, I don’t have enough resources to sit with everyone and work through their negative feelings about me.
Beliefs about asking questions…. There was a point in my life (school years mostly) where I got push back on my questions because some people found them annoying, were confused when the answers were obvious to them or didn’t understand the reason behind the questions. I felt some shame and stopped enquiring so much. Now I understand that being curious is one of my best qualities — because it unearths so many assumptions we have and opens new doors of thought that we rarely explore. However, I also appreciate that I can ask questions better — by sharing my agenda and thinking behind them, and give more space in between questions so it doesn’t feel like an interview. Plus, not everyone wants these kinds of questions and not all the time so not everyone is going to like this part of me.
I no longer believe I need to be or only express parts of myself like others. The best kind of person I can be is myself.
I now understand and believe that it’s okay and human not to not feel like you’re enough in some moments. And not to judge that feeling off not-enoughness but simple welcome it in.
I used to believe that I was in some ways lucky I had my existential crises in my 20s. Now I realise and believe that I might have a few more and that that is just life, and I’ll be okay even if they are tough experiences.
I now believe that some of my skills, knowledge and superpowers are more unique than I thought, even if they feel obvious or generic. So sharing or using them is something that can actually provide a lot of value.
Regardless of how much you plan, you never know really what is going to happen. I have always been a big planner and strategist and found this kind of thinking to be very helpful, to the point of not understanding the power of letting things emerge in their own unique way. Plans are great for direction but can sometimes hold us back — especially when circumstances change. I now believe it is okay to let go of the way I wanted something to go and create space for another way to emerge. And I don’t have to have a 10 year plan — sometimes a set of intentions can be just as powerful.
I used to believe that I was strong fighter and doer and that was a large and positive part of identity. I now believe that there I don’t have to be a strong fighter all the time, and actually that it can prevent me from expressing the other more softer sides of me that are just as valuable.
I now believe that it is never too late. The next best time to start something is now. The belief that it is too late to start prevented me from starting learning instruments, to dance and more.
When I was younger, I never really understood the ways in which race or gender can hold us back or limit opportunities. Now I have a much better understanding and belief in the negative impacts of systemic discrimination that is invisible, deep-rooted and very real.
I used to believe that my introversion might hold me back and though I still believe that elements of this are true (extroverted behaviour is often rewarded more), I believe that introverts have awesome superpowers. And that to tap into these you have to create inclusive conditions for them to be heard and to excel.
People can change — identity is more flexible than we think. I used to believe I am the same person when I was younger, and although I found threads of consistency when looking through old school reports (and other data), I also discovered a whole bunch of different beliefs and behaviour in my old journals. Likewise, the way we interact with others we know often makes it hard for people to become someone else.
I used to believe that all drugs were bad without taking into consideration the therapeutic effectiveness of psychedelics, for instance, which is now supported by research (used in very specific, contained circumstances with the right support and intention).
I used to believe that good decision making comes from the gut. I still follow my gut for most decisions (as well as rationalising after) but also recognise the value of a) leaning into the things I don’t have a preference for or even dislike (which can really test out my assumptions or beliefs) and b) simply rolling the dice and seeing where that takes me. I believe the big decisions deserve more space, time and gut support but not all decisions do, and sometimes a great decision is simply the one we choose and commit to.
I now believe that you don’t need to know the way before you start, and that creating momentum is one of the most important elements in discovering the way. As a planner, I used to believe I needed to see the whole picture and although this helps, I have discovered that when you ‘leap, the net will then appear’ (Julia Cameron).
Elders do bring valuable knowledge and wisdom, which is both outdated and essential. I’ve always been challenged by the idea that age = wisdom, and also by some fixed-mindedness or prejudice within certain older generations. However, more and more I recognise that our worldviews are highly shaped by the views of our time. These paradigms are so fundamental to our experience of life that there don’t change overnight. Nor is it easy to understand how limited or fundamentally damaging it might be to have these beliefs (e.g. slavery in the past). The kind of wisdom of the elders is that they have witnessed decades of change that they have had to adapt, as well as unearthing the principles that perhaps change less — like kindness and relationships.
I now believe that almost everything is learnable but that it is a our individual responsibility to make it happen. I was fortunate enough to be taught well at school which meant that I got a shock at university where there was a lot less support, and I didn’t do as well as I could have. In part I blamed the university and although I think they could have done a better job, I recognise the value of having agency and taking personal responsibility for your education in your life.

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List #12: 30 Beliefs I Changed About Myself & Life

30 Lists of 30 to Celebrate my 30th Birthday

The What & Why Behind This Project:

So, Back to Lists…

Written by Georgie Nightingall