List #27: 30 Things I Need to Let Go as I Move Forward Into The Next Chapter

30 Lists of 30 to Celebrate my 30th Birthday

10 min readAug 28, 2021

The What & Why Behind This Project:

This year I turn 30. And my gosh, I have been thinking about it a lot. I don’t know if it’s the pandemic, or the fact that this milestone is loaded with many societal expectations, but my mind has inundated me with reflections and memories from the past, with questions arising about my life choices and lesson learnt, about my expectations of being a human and about my desires for the future. And this combined with pandemic reflections has meant there has been a lot on my mind….🤔

I started writing a series of questions and lists of all the elements I wanted to capture and articulate. There were a lot, unsurprisingly; 30 years is a long time really! So I gave up on the 1 list idea that I normally write (30 reflections/lessons turning 30) and decided to write 30 lists.

30 Lists of 30, for my 30th Birthday.

Who are these lists for, you might wonder? I started writing reflections many years ago to get to know myself better. And when I shared these raw and real accounts with friends I discovered that what I wrote about my individual journey, touched upon something universally human. Beyond the masks and labels we wear is a messy, beautifully complex life, with highs and lows. And more similar to others than we might think.

So I share them in the hope that you too might feel something — intrigue, joy, resonance or maybe even difference — as you reflect on what it means to be a human. I recognise that my experiences are my own, that some come from a place of privilege and that they may not all be relatable or interesting to you. I know I can’t please everyone, so take what you can…(and let me know what lands!).

So, Back to Lists…

The Why Behind List #27: 30 Things I Need to Let Go as I Move Forward Into The Next Chapter

There are many beliefs, fears and preferences I have that I am holding onto, even though I’m aware they are not helping me move forward in various areas of my life. I’m also aware that some of these beliefs make up my current worldview and serve me to some degree, which is why it is hard to let them go. However, practicing naming how they are holding me back is one step forward to realising that they aren’t fixed or necessary and that letting myself experiences something else might actually help me move forward to this next chapter.

List #27: 30 Things I Need to Let Go as I Move Forward Into The Next Chapter

A belief that the kind of person I want to spend my life with is a rare find. I notice I seek to reconfirm and reinforce this belief every time a potential relationship doesn’t work out, which de-motivates me to explore more opportunities.
There is a part of me that wants approval for the things I do or create. I’m realizing that it’s okay to do things that not everyone approves of or celebrates. Sharing this list project, for instance, resulted in a variety of views and not all of them positive or supportive.
My fear of being excluded and not belonging. I suspect that there will be more moments in life where I feel this hurt, so rather than planning to ensure they don’t happen, it would help to learn to be okay with the feelings.
My belief that in order to be ‘X’ quality (e.g. reliable, thoughtful, compassionate) I have to get it right all the time. It is impossible to keep up this standard!
My belief that I need to do it all, all the time. To remember that I have value and worth outside my contributions.
My belief that I am the best person to do it all, when I could delegate more to others.
My desire that I can or should spend time and energy improving the state of all my relationships. I’ve realized that time and energy are limited and I can’t nurture them all. I have to make hard choices and prioritise, even if hurts others.
Feelings of guilt and shame around saying no when I need to guard my time, my energy and need to stay true to my authentic desires (and not others desires).
A belief that if I don’t do something that that something will crumble. Realizing that I can’t save everyone or everything.
My control-freak ish relationship to chaos and mess when I’m stressed. Needing to control my physical environment to help de-stress.
FOMO. Classic! I’m learning to get used to missing out, but I’m sure this is definitely linked to the feelings of wanting to belong.
Imposter syndrome, which tends to show up when I’m doing something for the first time in a professional setting.
Frustration about my inabilities to run pain-free, and previous decisions that I took that influenced this, and worries that it will never be back to ‘normal’.
Fears about the people I love dying. I can deal with my own death but the loss of the people I love deeply is hard to stomach. Even writing this makes me feel tearful.
Fears about my prioritization of social impact over money-making that I won’t be able to give my family as many opportunities as I had.
The belief that taking money will limit my freedom over my work and how I spend my time (e.g. fundraising, grants).
Beliefs about what is a reasonable fee for me and my work. I have been practicing increasing my fees to amounts that make me mildly uncomfortable saying, and then over time discovering how acceptable this amount actually is to most people. And when it doesn’t work for some people/organisations (because it is over budget), learning to just accept that we won’t work together right now.
My desire to engineer and optimise amazing experiences, and accepting that actually mundane or everyday experiences are actually okay. Not every moment can or needs to be a peak one.
My love/hate relationship to knowing where I will be in my life in 5–10 years time. On the one hand I love to plan and execute my life goals, and on the other I am loving discovering surprising emergent opportunities. I suspect that the healthy approach is a dose of both — having clear directions set by some loose goals, with the space for flexibility when life shows you a new path.
Accepting that I will always be behind with the news, general knowledge, and some new specific trend that ‘everyone’ is engrossed in. I started cutting down my news consumption many years ago — stopping reading the newspaper every day and instead being more selective about what and when I consumed news as it was affecting my outlook on life (more negative than positive), fairly addictive and not adding huge amount of value beyond the odd conversation here and then. Since cutting down, I have more time, feel more positive and sometimes feel incredibly behind on an issue ‘everyone’ knows about (which I then go and research). I guess this is the price to pay when you choose to go deep in some areas — you miss out in other areas.
Onism — my awareness of how little of the world I will actually experience and whatever choices I make will inevitably lead to sacrificing others. As someone who wants to ‘live and do it all’, I’ve been driven by a need to use time very efficiently, to try to have my cake and eat it too, and to take on a lot all in one go, lest the opportunities not come away. However, this mentality has sometimes meant that I am not as present or appreciative of the experience I do have, and is a bit of scarcity mindset about opportunities arising.
Fighting the waves, when they pull you off course. This one is both literal and metaphorical, as I do struggle in the sea with the strength of the current limiting my perceived control. Metaphorically, obstacles can show up in life that often try and take one off course and we can spend a lot of energy fighting and trying to limit the damage, or trying to get back to the plan, without realising that the best course might be to move with the waves and see what other course it takes you. A good example of this is how the pandemic destroyed a lot of our plans. It taught me to let go of the disappointment of what I wanted to happen faster, in order to see what new available opportunities are available now.
Fear expressing my true anger to others and it hurting them and our relationship. We are often taught to not be or show anger for it can be uncontrollable and lead us to do things we might regret. Over time I have seen this belief backfire — resulting in tonnes of built-up, repressed, passive aggressive anger that eventually explodes in circumstances that unrelated to the original source of anger. I’m learning that anger is a excellent signal for when my boundaries have been crossed or something is blocking my goals, and that I need to honour this in some way. To be honest about how I am feeling to myself and others so that is can pass faster and so that I can adapt my life so I boundaries aren’t crossed again.
The past. It’s most definitely a place rich in learning when you take the time to reflect, but I think that there is a part of me that returns to certain places from the past often, when I feel there is nothing more to be learnt, felt or experienced from that place.
Old anger at those who bullied me, how unfair it was and the impact their words and actions had on my self-esteem as I was growing up.
The love/hate relationship I have with the most challenging experiences I have had in life. They made me into the person I am, and stretched me in a profound way, but when I look around me I also feel like I got more than my fair share during my childhood and 20s.
Wanting or needing to be liked by most people. A natural tendency I think, but one I am realising is completely unachievable when we come into connection with so many people. Often without the opportunity to be seen fully (in a fully positive light) — perhaps because it is fleeting or one-sided, like readers of this blog! I am also realising that to have a voice, and one that challenges norms, will cause some to turn away because their it challenge deeply held beliefs or worldviews.
Sometimes overcommitting my time and then getting ill, needing to cancel or delay commitments or let others down. This is linked to wanting to do it all and also learning to say no and stand by my boundaries.
Expressing my introvert, quiet and independence needs. Especially amongst groups of more extroverted friends or family, I sometimes find it hard to share my needs to be alone for many hours of the day with my thoughts in order to recharge. Sometimes I assume I can’t take this time without even asking for or informing others about it, and then resent myself and others later when I am depleted and moody. It also shows up when I believe that need to be an engaged conversationalist or always be leading the conversation because I know how to, when I am under-resourced or don’t feel like it.
A belief that there will be a right time to move away from London and trying living in a new country (one of my aspirations). I have often felt like it wasn’t the right time because leaving might somehow damage my network, work opportunities or personal relationships. I kind of know this isn’t true and know I just need to commit to a time and place and go, especially as I can work virtually a lot these days!

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Want To Read More Lists?

I’m publishing one list every day in August (and will add the hyperlinks below).

List #27: 30 Things I Need to Let Go as I Move Forward Into The Next Chapter

30 Lists of 30 to Celebrate my 30th Birthday

The What & Why Behind This Project:

So, Back to Lists…

List #27: 30 Things I Need to Let Go as I Move Forward Into The Next Chapter

☕ If you enjoyed reading this list and want to support my writing I would love a coffee!

Written by Georgie Nightingall