List #22: 30 Principles I Live By

30 Lists of 30 to Celebrate my 30th Birthday

11 min readAug 23, 2021

The What & Why Behind This Project:

This year I turn 30. And my gosh, I have been thinking about it a lot. I don’t know if it’s the pandemic, or the fact that this milestone is loaded with many societal expectations, but my mind has inundated me with reflections and memories from the past, with questions arising about my life choices and lesson learnt, about my expectations of being a human and about my desires for the future. And this combined with pandemic reflections has meant there has been a lot on my mind….🤔

I started writing a series of questions and lists of all the elements I wanted to capture and articulate. There were a lot, unsurprisingly; 30 years is a long time really! So I gave up on the 1 list idea that I normally write (30 reflections/lessons turning 30) and decided to write 30 lists.

30 Lists of 30, for my 30th Birthday.

Who are these lists for, you might wonder? I started writing reflections many years ago to get to know myself better. And when I shared these raw and real accounts with friends I discovered that what I wrote about my individual journey, touched upon something universally human. Beyond the masks and labels we wear is a messy, beautifully complex life, with highs and lows. And more similar to others than we might think.

So I share them in the hope that you too might feel something — intrigue, joy, resonance or maybe even difference — as you reflect on what it means to be a human. I recognise that my experiences are my own, that some come from a place of privilege and that they may not all be relatable or interesting to you. I know I can’t please everyone, so take what you can…(and let me know what lands!).

So, Back to Lists…

The Why Behind List #22: 30 Principles I Live By

When it comes to thinking about how to be in the world, I love creating principles. They crystallise and systematise the rules or intentions for how I want to show up, and why this is important. I’ve learnt a great deal about others’ wisdom from reading their principles so I figured it was time I put some of mine together. If you have read some of my writing before, you might recognise some of these principles from my 2020 annual reflections.

List #22: 30 Principles I Live By

Relationships Have Meaning and Are Intrinsically Valuable — In a world optimised for productivity and transactionality it is worth recognising the intrinsic value our relationships provide, and how this must be protected. They are what makes life meaningful. This means recognising the value of a single interaction. Recognising others as humans, saying thanks, being kind and smiling to everyone including the cleaners and front desk staff.
Make It Fun— Life is so much richer and sustainable when it is enjoyable. I always seek to find ways to intentionally bring play, joy to the tasks I commit yourself to.
Life is Just a Series of Games We Play — like the Matrix, it feels like we play sets of games we are programmed to play. We choose goals and play the game of achieving them because others around us are playing them, but also because they provide us with big feelings that fulfill our human needs — survival, status, security, belonging, meaning — bringing us pleasure, and taking away pain. Realising this, I tried not to play any games but then discovered even if I know that they are just games, what else is there to do in life? Without choosing, I’ve landed on this ‘island’ by chance with the surprising gift of life, I might as well work out what my body and mind can do, go and explore the planet, and other people (without negatively impacting either), and find joy and fun in the process. And help others do the same.
‘Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained’ — a quote I have felt aligned to for the last 15+ yrs. It reminds me to lean into the fear or discomfort of the unknown because that is my growth zone. The discomfort is mostly a sign of the fear of unfamiliarity, not because you can’t or don’t like doing something.
Discovery Hat On— Be an explorer, curious about the world and you will always be discovering something new. Mindsets matters.
The Small Things Are the Big Things — Invest in small things little and often and it will lead to the big things.
Many Things In Life Are Indeed a Numbers Game — and there is no single great thing. Never rely upon one thing, opportunity, sale, relationship, idea, action etc. to solve your needs.
Be the Change You Want To See In The World — The best way to influence someone is to model it. Realness breeds realness and energy is infectious.
Connect the dots — it's all connected. Nothing is really a single discipline. Find ways to connect ideas and people.
Remember It Is A Story — We create a narrative around events that happen in our lives that create a narrative of our identity. But this is just a story — identity is a construct — so we need to be unattached to it as the truth. Our thoughts are just thoughts. They are not me. My consciousness that witnesses my thoughts is me.
You Are Both The Way & In Your Way — Your greatest supporter? Your greatest critic? You. The best gift we can give ourselves is self-awareness— get to know your beliefs systems, that voice in your head and your triggers and automatic patterns — so that you can learn to influence them.
Everyone Just Really Wants To Be Seen. The biggest gift we can give each other is our presence.
The Body Keeps the Score — Trauma, it turns out, doesn’t happen in the brain but it is only registered in the brain and mostly happens in the body where it stays. However, the body is also incredibly resilient, able to rewire and heal itself.
It Is All Impermanent —Everything is ephemeral, in the process of dying. Impermanence is a reality, not a negotiable, and we should treat everything like that. Find joy for the moments that exist and allow ourselves to mourn their loss. There is a process of saying goodbye to what is lost. Whether it be a way of living, a grandparent who has died, a home, a flatmate, a friendship, work projects or a holiday. As situations change, needs that can’t be met in the same way as they were and grief arises around these. I am learning that you cannot bring back what is lost. But the ritual of naming what has been lost, what needs have not been met and the feelings around this experience can allow the body and mind to accept the change and let go.
Move Your Body — To get ideas, walk. To solve problems, walk. To connect with another, walk. To feel your feelings, walk. To look after your body, walk. To find beauty in the world, walk. To explore the world, walk. To feel your emotions, experience presence and tap into your intuition, move your body.
Empathy Listens For The Why, Not The What — People do annoying stuff the way they want to do it because they care about something which you don’t know about or care about. There is always a reason behind others’ behaviour. angry people and more are actually just hurt, lost and feeling broken. The ‘what’ is only the mode through which we can transmit our why, and yet it seems we pay great attention to how something is said or done and not the reason behind why we do it in the first place. This year I started asking myself ‘why are they saying/doing this?’ rather than getting frustrated that things aren’t being done the way I would like them to be done. The answer is usually because they have different values to mine, they don’t have the capabilities, resources or the knowledge to do anything else, or because our beliefs are different. Never ‘they are doing this because they set out to annoy me and be difficult’! Seeing the why over the what allows us to be so much more compassionate and empathetic and appreciative of others.
Welcome in All Your Feelings and Emotions — You can’t choose your feelings and they are telling you what’s important. My anger is self-love — helping me become aware of boundaries and values that have been crossed and giving me catalytic power to take action. Jealousy tells me what I want. Within grief and sadness, there is immense care and appreciation for what is lost. Not only will I will not be liked by many, but I will also not be liked by some people I want to like me. The answer to this is not to persuade them to like me but simply to accept that there are parts of me that are unlikeable. And some people will be more exposed to those sides.
‘And’ Is The Necessary word for an Inclusive Inner and External World — Conflict is created because two or more separate beliefs seem to not be able to co-exist together. This OR that seems to be the only way forward, as if there is some 1 ‘right’ way. I’ve begun to replace OR with AND and discovered a great deal more acceptance for myself and for others in the process. Paradox is everywhere. I can have joy and grief, parts of me can want things to stay the same and others to change. Being inclusive by replacing OR with AND makes for peace. Internal conflict only appears when we believe that some thoughts, voices or parts are not valid. External conflict only appears when we believe that our way, perceptions and beliefs are the high-way over others.
Acceptance is — being okay with (accepting) the feeling that you’re not enough. Not trying to be enough.
We Fall back to Our Systems & Habits— Creates ways of being, habits and routines that will consistently support you when willpower runs out. One action done consistently has way more returns than some-one one-off. Make the desirable convenient, and the undesirable inconvenient (e.g. disconnection is best accomplished when devices are further than 45 seconds away).
The Best Way To Cheer Yourself Up Is By Doing Something for Someone Else — It is an act of self-empowerment. When you receive from others, you give them a chance to enjoy giving. When you give to others, you are also receiving.
The Map is Not the Territory. All thoughts, advice, models are biased. Everything has a why behind it. Don’t assume you know why someone acts or thinks a certain ways. Seek to understand first. Additionally, you’ll never know the full impact (positive and negative) your actions and words have on others. Trust others when they share their lived experience of you. Additionally, context changes everything. You can’t analyse anything outside of the container.
Simplicity — what is the low-hanging fruit? Often the low hanging fruits (simple, short, easy to do things) can deliver the highest impact: gratefulness for a single thing can prime the mind for abundance; a single deep breathe releases tension; a smile lifts spirits and connects us; closing your eyes recenters all.
Every Success You Have Is Not Your Own — take time to see all the steps that were involved in hitting a milestone, and all the people that made those steps possible. Take the time to recognise them. Realise how you too can/do help others become successful.
Define the What, Not the How — Do have goals, desires and wants. But don’t be attached to how these will be met. Plant lots of seeds and let serendipity guide you. The universe works in fascinating ways.
Name Your Assumptions & Expectations. Fortunately and unfortunately, no one can read your mind. All our decisions are based on layers of subconscious and conscious assumptions which might be very biased. Relationships are complex, but profoundly important. If you want something to happen, and it's not, then you have to say or do something. The best long term relationship often start will naming expectations and assumptions and contracting ways of being together.
Ship It At 80% Brilliance. It will never be perfect and trying to achieve that final 20% will take way more of your resources than you have, exponentially will not make that much difference to the value of the work, plus highly increase the likelihood of not completing or shipping something.
Perfectly imperfect — I’m completely imperfect. And given the dynamic nature of the world, it is impossible to become perfect. This is such a relief! Cut yourself and others slack — everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. Likewise, All systems are now imperfect legacy systems. They were created to solve a specific problem in a given moment in time, using the limited resources (time, knowledge, materials) available at the time. Don’t be afraid to challenge the system.
Creativity is My Real Soul-Mate — Soulmates bring out the best in you. By allowing myself to fully express my creativity — creating and playing for the sake of it and not — I feel whole and nourished. However, I have to first look after and take care of my creativity for it and me to flourish and not ask it to take care of me (e.g. financially). She needs inspiration, daily walks, mindful joyous activities to express my craft, and constant, unwavering appreciation and acknowledgment.
You Are Many Identities, Incomparable to Others — the only metric you can really track if comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. Additionally, we are made of multiple subpersonalities (see list #21–30 Parts of Me) that each have their own superpowers and needs. Don’t let one identity run the ships all the time (e.g. my drive, desire for intensity and doing it all can lead to burnout).

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Want To Read More Lists?

I’m publishing one list every day in August (and will add the hyperlinks below).

List #22: 30 Principles I Live By

30 Lists of 30 to Celebrate my 30th Birthday

The What & Why Behind This Project:

So, Back to Lists…

List #22: 30 Principles I Live By

Written by Georgie Nightingall