List #15: 30 Ways I’m Totally Imperfect
30 Lists of 30 to Celebrate my 30th Birthday
30 Lists of 30 to Celebrate my 30th Birthday
The What & Why Behind This Project:
This year I turn 30. And my gosh, I have been thinking about it a lot. I don’t know if it’s the pandemic, or the fact that this milestone is loaded with many societal expectations, but my mind has inundated me with reflections and memories from the past, with questions arising about my life choices and lesson learnt, about my expectations of being a human and about my desires for the future. And this combined with pandemic reflections has meant there has been a lot on my mind….🤔
I started writing a series of questions and lists of all the elements I wanted to capture and articulate. There were a lot, unsurprisingly; 30 years is a long time really! So I gave up on the 1 list idea that I normally write (30 reflections/lessons turning 30) and decided to write 30 lists.
30 Lists of 30, for my 30th Birthday.
Who are these lists for, you might wonder? I started writing reflections many years ago to get to know myself better. And when I shared these raw and real accounts with friends I discovered that what I wrote about my individual journey, touched upon something universally human. Beyond the masks and labels we wear is a messy, beautifully complex life, with highs and lows. And more similar to others than we might think.
So I share them in the hope that you too might feel something — intrigue, joy, resonance or maybe even difference — as you reflect on what it means to be a human. I recognise that my experiences are my own, that some come from a place of privilege and that they may not all be relatable or interesting to you. I know I can’t please everyone, so take what you can…(and let me know what lands!).
So, Back to Lists…
The Why Behind List #15: 30 Ways I’m Totally Imperfect
Sometimes we talk and write about the things we are proud of. The things that make us look credible, inspiring and impressive. We don’t talk about the things we have some shame around, the things that even we ourselves don’t want to acknowledge are there, the things that might invite judgment from others. I know that from the outside it might seem like I have achieved a lot but actually, I’m really imperfect like all humans are. There are plenty of things I suck at, feel guilty about and am still trying to muddle through. Here are some of them.
List #15: 30 Ways I’m Totally Imperfect
- In the past year I have broken x2 cafetiere glasses, x1 mug, x1 drinking glass, x1 bowl. All because I was clumsy or moved too fast.
- There are parts of me that I don’t want you to see: my selfish part, my lonely part, my I haven’t got my stuff together part, my anxious to be liked part, my moody part, the part of me that doesn’t want to have to depend on others.
- I don’t clean every plastic item before I put it in the recycling. And I still don’t completely understand exactly what can be recycled.
- I have insecurities about my body and how beautiful I am. When someone I’m attracted to says they are not attracted to me, I have a story that reappears and tells me that I’m not feminine enough.
- I wear jumpers and trousers that have holes in them and won’t throw them away. Plus, I spend my life removing stains from my clothes because of my messy cooking and eating.
- FOMO dictates way more of my life decisions than I would like it to.
- I believe I am invincible. I commit to more than I have capacity for, in the hope that I can create time. I sometimes drive my body beyond the limits it wants or could take. And have paid the price for this.
- I don’t want to be with people who smoke or who live in dirty homes and I’m a little sensitive about everything being in its place in my own home.
- My current addictions are: my smart phone, oxytocin & dopamine hits when I get stuff done on my to ‘do list’ and coffee.
- I have put off and procrastinated about working out where my organisation is going for about a year or more, and haven’t sent my mailing list an email in months.
- Last year, I cleared out my wardrobe ready to sell 6+ bags on ebay. I haven’t listed one item.
- I care deeply about my family but I don’t see or speak to them enough. But my brother has lived 15 mins walk from me for 2+ years, and I’ve been to his flat less than 10 times.
- I have an addiction to buying books, which now no longer fit on my bookshelves, and then I don’t read them for sometimes months or years.
- I never completed reading Lord the Rings because it is so long (but still managed to re-read all seven Harry Potter books at least 3 times).
- I still don’t feel like I’m doing enough for diversity, equity and inclusion.
- I recognise there have been moments where I have not recognised my privilege.
- I know how to help my clients fix their problems, but sometimes it takes having that conversion with them to help me fix mine.
- I kissed back a married man c.10 years ago. I felt guilty about it and never thought I would be the kind of person who would do that. And yet I did. I have learnt that we all make mistakes and mostly hide the things that are not proud of which leads to shame. I choose a world where we can forgive each other and others for the stupid things we do.
- I have invested more in therapy and training and development programmes than in my pension. I have gotten way too close to ‘red’ in my bank account than I would like at this age.
- I haven’t got a TV, I like it when others share they also don’t have a TV, and yet I sometimes want nothing more than to fall onto the sofa and binge watch Netflix or film in front of a TV.
- I only discovered that dishwashers need rinse aid to work 2 years ago.
- I treasure my sleep, know how valuable going to bed at the same time is and I don’t go to bed at the same time every day even though I know it would help me most.
- I struggle to listen to people who tell me I need to focus and do less in my life. Generally, when people give me unsolicited advice that is actually quite useful, I really struggle to take it onboard because they a) didn’t ask me if I wanted it and b) they haven’t first tried to understand my map of the world and where I am coming from.
- It has taken me over 20-ish years of life to realise how incredible my Mum is; her kindness, generosity, spirit, how much she has given and sacrificed for me, and how she won’t be around forever. And yet, even though it annoys her, I sometimes call my Mum each week whilst multitasking (e.g. walking, shopping, cooking, eating, etc.).
- When I go home, I sometimes feel entitled to get driven or use my siblings’ car even though it is not mine and I don’t pay for it.
- I have challenging conversations with friends, family and others (both giving and receiving feedback) and don’t always do them as well as I would like to. I care a great deal about this kind of stuff, and it is challenging to find the balance between being true to one’s needs and boundaries whilst also holding space perspectives that are very different.
- I don’t share my needs or desires as much as I would like to for fear of it reigniting old traumas around rejection, exclusion and not being valued.
- I believe in creating a more sustainable future and yet still eat a moderate amount of meat, fish and cheese.
- When others succeed, there have been moments I have felt envy more than joy.
- I know that I am enough and then I go through moments of feeling like I am not enough. Or that I am too much.
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Want To Read More Lists?
I’m publishing one list every day in August (and will add the hyperlinks below).
- 30 Reasons Why I’m Writing 30 Lists of 30
- 30 Questions I’m Living Right Now
- 30 Ways To Have An Awesome Conversation
- 30 Risks I Took & What I Learnt
- 30 Ways to Create and Cultivate Community
- 30 Questions I Reflect on Every Saturday Morning
- 30 Essential Items I Pack Backpacking
- 30 Skills We Need But Don’t Teach
- 30 Things I Wasn’t That Grateful For But Am Now
- 30 Reflective Questions that Lead to Fascinating Conversations
- 30 Signs I am Most Definitely an Adult
- 30 Beliefs I Changed about Myself & Life
- 30 Games I’m Playing in Life
- 30 Confusing Messages I’ve Internalised About Who To Be & How to Live
- 30 Ways I’m Totally Imperfect
- 30 Considerations for Designing Meaningful Human Connection Experiences
- 30 Mundane Experiences That Can Actually Be Quite Magical
- 30 Words To Describe Elements of My Pandemic Experience
- 30 Things I’ve Learnt About Human Behaviour That Show Up Everywhere
- 30 Words I Love
- 30 Parts of Me
- 30 Principles I Live By
- 30 Lessons from 5 Years of Entrepreneurship and Creating
- 30 Health, Productivity, Creativity and Happiness Optimisation Experiments I’ve Explored And The Life Hacks that Resulted From Them
- 30 Things I am Proud of (Achieving) Before 30
- 30 Experiences (& Goals) For the Next 10-ish Years
- 30 Things I Need To Let Go As I Move Forward Into The Next Chapter
- 30 Journal Entries from the Last 20 Years
- 30 Lists That Didn’t Make it to the 30 Lists
- 30 Reflections Writing 30 Lists of 30
Follow me on Medium to read them.
Still Curious?!
💬 Watch my TEDx talk: Talking to Strangers: Having a Meaningful Conversation
📖 Read about some of my work recently published in Entrepreneur.com How to Become a Master at Talking to Strangers
✍️ Stay connected through Conversations With Georgie: The Home of My Thoughts as a Life-Long Learner. Curious. Deep. Exploratory. Real and Raw.
📧 Contact Me: Georgie@Triggerconversations.co.uk
