All stories published by The Awl on April 13, 2009

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All Stories published by The Awl on April 13, 2009

SNL: High School Musical 4

This skit from this weekend’s Saturday Night Live is over five minutes long, stars Zac Efron, and is actually one of the funnest things the show has done in years. Have a look.

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

What to read in the new “Vanity Fair”

[GOOGLE ASKED US TO REMOVE THIS SMALL THUMBNAIL OF A PHOTO FROM VANITY FAIR BECAUSE THEY DO NOT ALLOW “LEWD” PICTURES TO APPEAR ON PAGES WITH GOOGLE ADS.] I don’t like Vanity Fair. Mainly this is because I find it incredibly difficult to navigate; I’m a man who’s…

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

The Cougar Explains Itself

A press release arrived this afternoon from the network TV Land. It explains why the 20 contestants on new reality show “The Cougar”-in which they try to seduce an older woman-are participating. (The “older woman” is 40.) I for one certainly hope the aliens are enjoying this bit of…

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

I’m not saying Ayelet Waldman is a monster, but…

Exciting news on the publishing front:

When her two young sons first started walking, Lisa Moricoli-Latham, a mother in Pacific Palisades, Calif., would gently push them over. For the sake of their development, she…

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Know Your Socialites Named Poppy

Handy guide! How to differentiate your English socialites in New York named Poppy.

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Citibank To Escape Penny Status Someday!

World’s dumbest bank Citi may escape penny stock status this quarter! This morning saw an exciting 14% gain in share value-all the way to $3.45! Your tax dollars at work, people. Hang in there, Citi!

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Chelsea Handler’s boobs are like “The Matrix”

It’s been a while since we’ve done this on a regular basis, so I understand that we’re kind of rusty. And this whole beta-testing thing has come with a number of distractions of its own as we tweak and adjust and confront the issues we need to…

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Goldman Sachs, Liars

The huge fat lie that layoffs are necessary for companies to succeed in these times was exposed today when Goldman Sachs issued its quarter 1 earnings. Dealbreaker notice the key data: the company’s headcount was down 7% over the previous fiscal year. And yet! Compensation and benefits for…

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Broadway is expensive

Bloomberg’s Jeremy Gerard, looking at the difficult economics of staging a successful Broadway play, wonders why it costs so much to put on a show. Neil Simon-favored producer Emanuel Azenberg explains it all for you:

“Over the last 25 years, all the costs have…

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Cheap heroin for all!

A.M. fix indeed! I had no idea CNN was so committed to this beat. Anyway, good news for those of you who have always wanted to try heroin but have been heretofore deterred by the expense: not only is it cheap as shit these days, it’s also way more pure-almost seven times as pure as the…

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

The Statusphere? The Gag-Me-Sphere

Barely intelligible ramblings from a publicist recommend that journalists develop their personal brands by using Twitter. You will taste bile before you are halfway through.

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Kurt Andersen At Work!

Novelist-radio host-columnist-Random House-scout Kurt Andersen in action in Los Angeles, “providing context” to the young.

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

This Week In ‘New Yorker’ Poetry

This week’s poetry in the New Yorker: 1. A “lunch poem” by Jonathan Galassi, the editor-in-chief of Farrar, Straus and Giroux. (Also Harvard ‘71!) This is his second for the magazine. It seems to be about a romantic and manly Parisian bed-in with a lover? (Here is some…

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 12, 2009

Avast, mateys! We be highjackin’ your logo!

NewsCorp officially hoists its flag.

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 12, 2009

Man bites… oh, whatever.

“Julia Szabo, The Post’s pets columnist, divorced her husband, John, in 2001, but they continued to live together for years for the sake of their six dogs. Finally, last month, John moved out, but not until they fought a heartbreaking custody battle over their beloved pit bull Angus…

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Why we need newspapers, a continuing series.

“The Washington Post reported in its online editions Saturday night that Obama’s daughters chose the name Bo for the pup because first lady Michelle Obama’s father was nicknamed Diddley. The name for the dog was an apparent reference to the singer ‘Bo’ Diddley.”

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Smart Companies Expand In A Recession

“Numerous studies have shown that companies that keep spending on acquisition, advertising, and R. & D. during recessions do significantly better than those which make big cuts.” -Jim Surowiecki, New Yorker. Related: Stocks Open Lower as Investors Await Earnings, Brace for GM Bankruptcy.

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

New Camera Obscura

Tonight at 11:59 p.m., NPR begins streaming the entire new Camera Obscura record; My Maudlin Career will be released next week. Do you not love them already? Then catch up.

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

It begins with El Productos

Nowadays they got this shit called blunt wraps. To me, that’s like the lowest. That’s the f’in lowest. I be looking at these kids smoking this weed talking about let’s get blunted up and I’m saying to myself, ‘If you had a real blunt you’d choke to death.’

Just-Ice on the history of the blunt.

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Teabaggers Should Have Voted Democrat

The teabaggers (Blissfully unaware? Here!) want to halt the…

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Frumpy lady surprises

If you’re in need of one of those moments where your faith in humanity is briefly refreshed and you wipe back a sudden tear as you contemplate the beauty which each and every one of us is at some point capable, you’d do worse than to click here. Sure, it’s a little manipulative and a lot…

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Te

Just a test scheduling post!

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Kids can just work it out on their own.

“This is how we will face the coming century-by bailing out our bankers and abandoning out children.”

Alex Balk in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Marilyn Chambers dead

Last week saw the passing of Jack Wrangler; today brings the sad news that Marilyn Chambers has died. We’re losing our iconic porn stars, people. Someone check in with Ron Jeremy, see if he’s okay.

Choire Sicha in The Awl

Apr 13, 2009

Suspected Protestors Pre-Arrested In England

England police arrested 114 people at a school in Nottingham for 3 1/2 to 11-year-olds; police said the hippies were planning a demonstration at a nearby coal-fired power station. Fortunately, the long-hairs are all locked up before they even had a…